[challenge] #6: My love | 2017

By faten.banana - January 01, 2017


"I love you" probably the hardest words, the least expected expression people need to see coming out of me. If I could recalled, it probably years and years ago since I did say it to anyone - family and friends. I don't even have any characters in my writing saying "I love you" now that I think. I just stop expressing my loves verbally which somehow affected how people would view my actions is. 

I am infuse with anger no ones could understand sometimes. I nag a lot - even towards myself. Sometimes, I had to refrain myself because I am afraid that it would hurt people and drives them even further. I guess, one of the reason Fatin is a loner lol why this sound so sad. I love being in solitude so much that it does startled me when out of blue this someone who no strangers yet not a friend ask me:

"Aku nampak kau selalu sorang-sorang. Kau okay tak ni?"

Which I answered with "Aku okay, no worries." dengan senyum aku rasa macam sengaja ditarik je - no genuine emotions kalau difikirkan semula. Terkejut sebenarnya bila ada orang perasan macam tu. Orang yang selalu dengan aku akan rasa untuk aku sorang-sorang merupakan benda biasa, and I did enjoy being alone once in a while. Even people does, they would usually ask you to get social and not alone. No are-you-okay question. But atleast they care.

It makes me think, I am indeed blessed with these people. Parents, friends, even strangers who willing to have a small talk with me. Every time I'm caught in misery and turmoil of emotions, Allah had sent me this wonderful people to give me a smack on the head. I am grateful. 

The ones who sticks with me through ups and downs, my twirls roller coaster emotions, my endless killing questions, the one who had to face me (willingly or by force lol) everyday. 
The ones who suffers by my rejection yet never surrender to try again and again. 
The ones who need to reach me first every. single. time.
The ones who never get tired of the sickening me.
The ones who cares.

Thanks a bunch! Each of your small actions left a big impact on me :) I ought you to acknowledge that your existence simply fills up every broken pieces of me. 

Last but no least, (you know who you guys are)
I love you, from the deepest of my heart. (don't expect this coming anytime soon ha I need time lol)

May 2017 be the year where I learnt to love and appreciate every single things more, to be more expressive, may it be the year full of changes in me. 

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  1. what a nice entry hehe. happy new year btw :)

  2. 'I love you' was the hardest words for me too but as I grow up, I learned to say those beautiful words to the people whom I know would be happy hearing them - family and friends

    So, just let those words out, you'll live happier :)

    1. thanks for the advice <3 guess, it will take time - but its gonna worth beyond dollars :)