061: Case #1 | People and me (or vice-versa)


Apparently, whenever I decided to do something (weird mostly) Allah knows better and will send me tremendous things in bulks. Like for example, a fortnight ago - I decided not to engage with any people, unless necessary. I wish my rules for the week applied to class too, but my parents would be furious over it and myself too would be so rugi because hello masuk universiti ni sebab apa? Lol.

There is no way I could avoid engaging with people at all because a matter of fact, I'm on  Earth. So, yep. 

The reason why I decided to do that weirdly weird exertion is just that I could sense that I keep feeling like a prick, getting annoyed to a lot of things. Things that the normal 'me' would not usually care pun. Partly, I guess because it is almost the time of the month. But, I would say - I just want some time alone to be with myself. 

Here's a twist. 

You see, I am so used to the idea of eating alone, walking alone, sitting alone in the class. However, during that particular week, suddenly there were a lot of people who would come to accompany during my lunch. Even strangers! I mean, there was one time - I was eating my Nasi Kerabu 'unchaperoned', an uncle, out of the blue, came and sit in front of me with his lunch. A classmate whom I not in particular close to ajak makan sekali which I cannot just refuse because ... I don't know? Masa keluar sorang-sorang to Suria KLCC pun ada orang tiba-tiba duduk makan sekali despite the fact there are a lot of empty space ahead. I believed, along that week, never did I ate my lunch by myself. (Disclaimer: I do not mind if it is my friends who invite me to eat with them - but kalau takde siapa ajak, I would just eat alone.) 

People who know me understand me.

Things like this happened previously too. Like, at the time when I decided to not getting married to anyone. Friends called me Feminist based on the reasons I provided to them. Can't blame them for that as Welp, me too! Lol. The next few days, I somehow bombarded with new viewpoints/ signs, my mom and grandma suddenly talk about my non-existence love life, and few people coming into my life (the irony); forcing me to abort the so-called 'mission'. Walaupun aku cuma bagitahu dekat dua orang saja pasal benda niat aku taknak kahwin. I am still not prepared for any commitment at this moment though, that plan needs to wait for another three years.

You see, indeed, Allah knows better. Stated above is something typically we do. Every so often, we want to save ourselves from struggles, yet never did we know how all those things are the one Allah wants us to do, to go through, to experience, to get to know as much as we are able to. More or less, it is not to torture us but rather a test designed to shape us. 

Sekarang, aku rancang je banyak benda - tapi kena fikir jugak, apa yang berlaku mestilah dengan izin Tuhan. Kalau Tuhan dah tetap yang aku takkan boleh habiskan degree aku dalam masa lagi dua tahun contohnya? Aku nakbuat macam mana. Aku dah usaha tapi Allah tak izin. 

In conclusion, prepares for whatever consequences even though you are pretty sure about your plan and decision. Life is a pain-staking, bitter-taste medicine for the soul after all.

Let's strive for the best regardless, May Allah ease everything!


[p/s: I finally figured out already why I could not post any comment in any blogger entries that use embedded comment :)))))) I am gonna start leaving comments to people like crazy! And yep, I'm reverting back to simple template lol.)

060: an update


Really, it has been a while since I last wrote something in this dungeon. Two months I bet? Lol. Life has been great - it still does, despite all those small sweet catastrophes that happened. All those mini-heart attacks that I received over the weeks. All those small conversations and meet-ups, soon develop into more than what it actually intended to makes up to it.

All praise to Allah and I am happy.

I guess, that might be the major reason why I do not shove anything in here anymore. Or, it might indicate that I no longer think critically because I write to seek answers over questions which linger around my head. Lol. I used to be sceptical over the fact if I happened to abandon my blog over a certain period of times, it is like me letting my best friend forever (the irony lol) go and come only when I am not happy, to wail. Tsk.

I do wish to share everything in here. Bad and good because it is part of my journey. Even those little things like uhm I started wearing a bracelet over my right wrist because I wanted to get used to it, the fluffy doughnut I have for breakfast yesterday (I swear it is soooooo good), how I started spending my three evenings in the weekends to jog but end up triggering my old injuries.

Those kinds of petty things. I like petty small things and I love telling them to people, virtually. I rarely do that in real life. I just don't. It built a connection between people and I get clingy. When I get clingy ... let just say, you do not want to deal with it. My past experiences with people make me built a wall for my own self. I do talk to people, I do share stories but I never realize until one day, a friend confront me - asking why?

Why do I build a wall?

I was taken aback and shocked, obviously. I thought I already share enough yet apparently (after intense reflection) I could conclude that I occupy emotions I deemed silly within my only self. How silly? My own silly-scale. Lol.

I don't open to people easily, unless in the blog. Whatta weird things to do right?
I bare myself to you lol.

059: Growing preferences


(I accidentally delete my latest post (059: You Look Happier Than Before) and I internally cry a little because I do not have any copy of it. If you wonder what has happened, yes - this happened.)

Source: Google

The transition from teenager to a young adult's life might have changed my preferences over the years. I noticed that there are little things I used to hate a lot as a child I soon develop a liking for them. For example, bitter gourd. 

I used to hate those green bitter things even though I come to acknowledge later that my mom made the best stir-fried bitter gourd. I do not know what makes I suddenly love bitter gourd though. Tiba-tiba, on one fine day in CFS I decided to try a spoonful of bitter-gourd and I surprisingly like it a lot.

As cliche as it may sound at this moment, that is exactly how our life works. There are things that unexpectedly would make us happy - well, for me its the food - which we are going to know only if we decided to try it for the first time. Everything needs a first time after all.

This kind of unintentional incidents makes me slowly realize how flexible I have become over the years. I mean, I have always been that type of person who stands still on the ground, refuse to welcome any sudden changes in my life. I am the type that would go ordering the same menu, over and over again because...just because I hate the idea of embracing new options. I stand on my own opinions too.

But, I guess - I learnt to greet a lot of new experiences, ideas and so does people as I grow up meeting, intentionally/unintentionally people over the periods.

I have to give a pat on my back.


May Allah bless you fellas!

ps: I still can't eat bitter bean (petai) though >,< The closest it could get is only on my sambal because I like the color in my sambal lol