061: Case #1 | People and me (or vice-versa)


Apparently, whenever I decided to do something (weird mostly) Allah knows better and will send me tremendous things in bulks. Like for example, a fortnight ago - I decided not to engage with any people, unless necessary. I wish my rules for the week applied to class too, but my parents would be furious over it and myself too would be so rugi because hello masuk universiti ni sebab apa? Lol.

There is no way I could avoid engaging with people at all because a matter of fact, I'm on  Earth. So, yep. 

The reason why I decided to do that weirdly weird exertion is just that I could sense that I keep feeling like a prick, getting annoyed to a lot of things. Things that the normal 'me' would not usually care pun. Partly, I guess because it is almost the time of the month. But, I would say - I just want some time alone to be with myself. 

Here's a twist.

060: an update


Really, it has been a while since I last wrote something in this dungeon. Two months I bet? Lol. Life has been great - it still does, despite all those small sweet catastrophes that happened. All those mini-heart attacks that I received over the weeks. All those small conversations and meet-ups, soon develop into more than what it actually intended to makes up to it.

All praise to Allah and I am happy.

I guess, that might be the major reason why I do not shove anything in here anymore. Or, it might indicate that I no longer think critically because I write to seek answers over questions which linger around my head. Lol. I used to be sceptical over the fact if I happened to abandon my blog over a certain period of times, it is like me letting my best friend forever (the irony lol) go and come only when I am not happy, to wail. Tsk.

I do wish to share everything in here. Bad and good because it is part of my journey. Even those little things like uhm I started wearing a bracelet over my right wrist because I wanted to get used to it, the fluffy doughnut I have for breakfast yesterday (I swear it is soooooo good), how I started spending my three evenings in the weekends to jog but end up triggering my old injuries.

Those kinds of petty things. I like petty small things and I love telling them to people, virtually. I rarely do that in real life. I just don't. It built a connection between people and I get clingy. When I get clingy ... let just say, you do not want to deal with it. My past experiences with people make me built a wall for my own self. I do talk to people, I do share stories but I never realize until one day, a friend confront me - asking why?

Why do I build a wall?

I was taken aback and shocked, obviously. I thought I already share enough yet apparently (after intense reflection) I could conclude that I occupy emotions I deemed silly within my only self. How silly? My own silly-scale. Lol.

I don't open to people easily, unless in the blog. Whatta weird things to do right?
I bare myself to you lol.