Assalammualaikum.
Sebenarnya, kalau ditanya - kenapa dan mengapa? Selalunya akan berakhir dengan jawapan yang sama dari mulut aku (atau jemari yang menaip, cewah); untuk melepaskan rasa.
I have some issues back then, it wasn't that hard nor easy too. It's only a mess and I accidentally end-up getting hurt by the messiness, somehow.
Aku selalunya memang nampak macam manusia yang takpeduli dengan apa-apa ._. classmates masa asasi dulu mostly suruh aku senyum ._. (I feel like I smile a lot but apparently I'm not). Tight *cough*face twenty four seven. Tapi bila dahrapat, aku jadi a bit clingy ._. dan ada satu saat aku rasa takut yang orang akan buang aku. Back then, I have found my very own Jade - the one who willingly listened to all my ramble and stuff - but he's gone. Macam Jade jugak, but Jade did said farewell and return. But he's not and I decided that I need to move on and find my own 'place', no more special attachment slash clingy. He is not the issue, dia tu kira macam interlude, sebenarnya prolog lagi tepat kot.
I keep a lot of secret and refuse to spill the beans because I'm just plainly scared of getting hurt. And uhm, trust issue probably? I trust only certain people that make me feel like I can trust 'em. Tahu kan perasaan tu. This Jade is one of 'em. Tsk. Lol.
(Thanks to him by the way!) But I still don't like you kah kah kah.
It started with a simple random blog entry, anything that I feel like telling people because no ones read my blog back then, my daily routines, what happened in school and stuff. But not a big stuff. Lol. I'm just aching to write, letting go things times to times. So yeah, my blog is my escapism. The only medium I used to expressed my inner voice; the suffocating feelings I held back usually. I need to bite my tongue to keep myself, un-hurt.
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| made this one when I was in Form 4 (?) the story never make it lol |
Kadang-kadang menulis cerita bukan sekadar untuk mencuba dek ter-inspirasi dari Kak Nana Johari meski katalisnya ada pada dia; menulis masih lagi untuk bercerita tentang kesesakan lalu lintas yang berlaku dari segi kepala dan hati. I'm a messed back then, even of my close friend even said that she actually cannot understand the stories I wrote back then (but since she still cherish and keep my short story collections yang saya sendiri sudah delete salinannya, saya maafkan)
Tu dulu okay.
Sekarang, hampir enam tahun aku ber-blogging, menulis cerita barangkali sudah hampir tiga tahun; banyak blogger yang aku jumpa. Dan E=mc2 lol, dia yang antara yang ada di masa sesi rehabilitasi aku. Sesi pulih dari emosi yang cuba disorok ke sorok yang paling dalam. That freaking un-explainable feeling when she text 'Spill.' afraid that the ticker bomb would explode. I'm blessed, sekarang dahjumpa Jade versi perempuan pulak.
Dan salah satu sebab aku dah jarang blogging, mungkin juga disebabkan aku dah mula untuk loose myself a bit. Taknampak depressed sangat. Aku senyum banyak sikit dari dulu, aku terima kenyataan, aku rasa okay untuk cerita dekat orang, bergantung dengan orang dan paling penting aku rasa gembira lol hence all the happy endings in my stories. *throw confetti*
Ada satu yang aku masih takpasti. Pensyarah aku kata yang kemungkinan cara aku pandang satu hubungan (as in love relationship) itu mungkin terkesan. Aku taktahu sama ada aku fobia atau tak dengan issue black hole itu; sebab aku takpernah try untuk get involved emotionally since then. Sebab, relationship is not my thing and I just don't know. Yet. Hahahahahahahaha.
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| no-uh, let's appreciate the colors instead sebab ceritanya entah bila naksampai T_T |
Let's break the interlude shall we? Move on. It's time to move on. Lol, you even need to move since years and years ago maka kenapa naktunggu lagi? Broken heart need to be healed. Times will heal, sure, tapi kalau diri sendiri taknak bergerak, macam mana? #SukaBagiAyatSentapHujungHujung
And that's it. I finally finished my not-so #25 Days Challenge ._.
Have a nice day ._.
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(p/s: Nak buat review If I Fix You by Abigail Johnson sejak hari Ahad lepas, tangguh sebab ada benda nakbuat sebelum tulis review, tapi Ta'aruf Week ini membuatkan saya penat. Sangat.)
10 comments
Keep writing. you sound ohsem. :D hehehe.
ReplyDeletehiks thank you for the support ! /virtual hugs/
Delete"I keep a lot of secret and refuse to spill the beans because I'm just plainly scared of getting hurt. And uhm, trust issue probably? I trust only certain people that make me feel like I can trust 'em. "
ReplyDelete"(I feel like I smile a lot but apparently I'm not)"
Kita nie adik beradik tak rasmi ke macam mana? Sama je.. XD
hahahahahaha, mungkin soulmate tercicir kot? lol fighting, untuk kita berdua! XD
Deletei used to be very attached to people dulu. i really attached myself and depend on them tooooo much that when she can't meet my expectation, i became easily hurt hahaha. But after my "friendship breakup", i told myself, no more attachment. I dont want to live up to anyone's expectations and I dont want people expecting me on something. Takpe, progress slowly, closer to Him and have faith! hehe ❤
ReplyDeletehahahaha nowadays i feel like wanted to cling to people as a joke lol ._. Thank youuuu for the du'a btw, let's work hard together :')
Deletehm ada gaya org yg akan supply choc bars sampai ke gombak ni <3 <3
ReplyDeleteYEAY! I LOIKE IT XD
Deletemenulis mmg slh 1 cara utk melepaskan apa yg ada dlm hati kita, dlm fikiran kita 😄
ReplyDeletebetul, sebab ada orang yang dengan menulis lah dapat ekspresikan diri dorang dengan lebih baik :D
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