040: A new page


The Bai'ah Ceremony and whenever we had to sing the university song. I could feel the weight of responsibility brought by the lines/lyrics of the song. The Bai'ah - oath, the Students Oath we pledged during the ceremony successfully sent shivers down my spine. The echoes. It's crazy.

A year ago, I was in Foundation of English Language and now I am moving on to the next phase of my life. (Aside from being 20) Lol. There is nothing wrong with me being twenty but I keep mentioning this. Accept the fact please, Fatin.

Things I have learnt along this week:

1. I am neutral.
Have you ever been place, right in the middle – jaded between the feeling of ‘this is wrong’ and ‘this is true’? Where there is no definite answer, an open-based question. 

I cannot hate people through and through because no matter how bad they are – their kindness would linger in my mind. So when the committee’s of Ta’aruf Week for my batch TaWe were bashed for their work design (?), I cannot solely blame them because we, the new intake students make mistakes too. Human are infallible. But we refused to acknowledge that aside from having zero experience in managing a programme. Thus, the ignorant on certain behind-the-scene, from our side. Nevertheless, the ending was perfect!

Turned up, I am neutral almost all the times. Few entries behind, I did mentioned about the struggles I faced when my mind became saturated with too much information on the mass media.

I rarely talk about politics. However, I do enjoy intellectual discussions (no throwing paper at you friend) which obviously would include Politics once in awhile. I even had consider one delusional dream of minoring in Political Sciences lol. 

I’m not.

2. Ask, go approach some strangers if you do not know. The least they could do is offer you the wrong direction. 
3. Having a company is fine.
4. You have to work really hard. 
5. Do what you believe is true; sometimes, you just need to be selfish in order to not hurting the other parties at the end.

[challenge] #25: Konklusi | Kenapa Saya Menulis


Sebenarnya, kalau ditanya - kenapa dan mengapa? Selalunya akan berakhir dengan jawapan yang sama dari mulut aku (atau jemari yang menaip, cewah); untuk melepaskan rasa

I have some issues back then, it wasn't that hard nor easy too. It's only a mess and I accidentally end-up getting hurt by the messiness, somehow. 

Aku selalunya memang nampak macam manusia yang takpeduli dengan apa-apa ._. classmates masa asasi dulu mostly suruh aku senyum ._. (I feel like I smile a lot but apparently I'm not). Tight *cough*face twenty four seven. Tapi bila dahrapat, aku jadi a bit clingy ._. dan ada satu saat aku rasa takut yang orang akan buang aku. Back then, I have found my very own Jade - the one who willingly listened to all my ramble and stuff - but he's gone. Macam Jade jugak, but Jade did said farewell and return. But he's not and I decided that I need to move on and find my own 'place', no more special attachment slash clingy. He is not the issue, dia tu kira macam interlude, sebenarnya prolog lagi tepat kot.

I keep a lot of secret and refuse to spill the beans because I'm just plainly scared of getting hurt. And uhm, trust issue probably? I trust only certain people that make me feel like I can trust 'em. Tahu kan perasaan tu. This Jade is one of 'em. Tsk. Lol.

(Thanks to him by the way!) But I still don't like you kah kah kah.

It started with a simple random blog entry, anything that I feel like telling people because no ones read my blog back then, my daily routines, what happened in school and stuff. But not a big stuff. Lol. I'm just aching to write, letting go things times to times. So yeah, my blog is my escapism. The only medium I used to expressed my inner voice; the suffocating feelings I held back usually. I need to bite my tongue to keep myself, un-hurt

made this one when I was in Form 4 (?) the story never make it lol

Kadang-kadang menulis cerita bukan sekadar untuk mencuba dek ter-inspirasi dari Kak Nana Johari meski katalisnya ada pada dia; menulis masih lagi untuk bercerita tentang kesesakan lalu lintas yang berlaku dari segi kepala dan hati. I'm a messed back then, even of my close friend even said that she actually cannot understand the stories I wrote back then (but since she still cherish and keep my short story collections yang saya sendiri sudah delete salinannya, saya maafkan)

Tu dulu okay.

Sekarang, hampir enam tahun aku ber-blogging, menulis cerita barangkali sudah hampir tiga tahun; banyak blogger yang aku jumpa. Dan E=mc2 lol, dia yang antara yang ada di masa sesi rehabilitasi aku. Sesi pulih dari emosi yang cuba disorok ke sorok yang paling dalam. That freaking un-explainable feeling when she text 'Spill.' afraid that the ticker bomb would explode. I'm blessed, sekarang dahjumpa Jade versi perempuan pulak. 

Dan salah satu sebab aku dah jarang blogging, mungkin juga disebabkan aku dah mula untuk loose myself a bit. Taknampak depressed sangat. Aku senyum banyak sikit dari dulu, aku terima kenyataan, aku rasa okay untuk cerita dekat orang, bergantung dengan orang dan paling penting aku rasa gembira lol hence all the happy endings in my stories. *throw confetti*

Ada satu yang aku masih takpasti. Pensyarah aku kata yang kemungkinan cara aku pandang satu hubungan (as in love relationship) itu mungkin terkesan. Aku taktahu sama ada aku fobia atau tak dengan issue black hole itu; sebab aku takpernah try untuk get involved emotionally since then. Sebab, relationship is not my thing and I just don't know. Yet. Hahahahahahahaha. 

no-uh, let's appreciate the colors instead sebab ceritanya entah bila naksampai T_T

Let's break the interlude shall we? Move on. It's time to move on. Lol, you even need to move since years and years ago maka kenapa naktunggu lagi? Broken heart need to be healed. Times will heal, sure, tapi kalau diri sendiri taknak bergerak, macam mana? #SukaBagiAyatSentapHujungHujung

And that's it. I finally finished my not-so #25 Days Challenge ._.

Have a nice day ._. 

(p/s: Nak buat review If I Fix You by Abigail Johnson sejak hari Ahad lepas, tangguh sebab ada benda nakbuat sebelum tulis review, tapi Ta'aruf Week ini membuatkan saya penat. Sangat.)

[challenge] #24: a dream, count me in.


24 had always been my favorite number. It started as a very special date for few of my friends but then I just grew special attachment to the number. Lol, funny aite? How those kind of inter-related things could bring another meaning for yourself. 

Talking about dreams and so. I would like to have my very own book café here in my town. A book store where I can provide books from any languages and state at least, because café really is not my things aside I love caffeinated drink (carbonated drinks or coffee, you named it). The catalyst? If you stay around my area – it is hard to get a copy of English books or any language aside Bahasa Melayu. The only option that you have is by going to KBMALL in Kota Bharu, speaking about super long almost 2 hours journey to get a copy of English book. That, if you live in Kuala Krai. Imagine if you live in Gua Musang which is a lot farther than my area.

Nowadays, maybe you can go purchase it online. 

But still, aren’t handpicked book smells the best? Hiks.

I want to provide books around my area first. I want to encourage people to read, even comics sekalipun because man – I learnt a lot by reading comics. The only bookstores with many branches in Kelantan is Syarikat Muda Osman (SMO). They only supplied Malay books up until a year ago because the last time I went there (which is a week ago), they had started to sell English books. However, the collection is still minimal – Girl Online: On Tour by Zoe Sugg and a compilation of William Shakespeare’s plays.

I remembered, one of the things that my lecturer asked me before, out of curiousity, really. We were talking about few issues regarding Kelantan situation, mainly education and development at the moment when she suddenly asked, “How can you grow to like English and choose to pursue your study in, as a Kelantanese?” We talked about how Kelantanese usually had problems in English but I can’t recalled the exact words (duh why now) Which I answered that I had always like English and maybe at some point because I wasn’t Kelantanese through and through which makes her “Patutlah!” and laughed. Sure, I had Kelantanese blood (from my mom), however the first thirteen years of my life, I was raised in Selangor. (Now you know why I can’t use Kelantanese dialect without sounding weird uhuks) 

I wasn’t raised in a English-speaking-environment, from the day I was born up until I was 18 (considering I’m in Selangor now, uh?). I can be considered coming from underprivileged family. My family do not speak English, we just don’t. Nowadays, I tried to use English to get my sibling familiarize with the plain normal English conversation though they still struggling. 

The first time I registered in my university, seeing almost everyone speaks in English almost got me choked up lol but since I have the face of no-i-don’t-bother, really helped lol. And I tried to speak English a lot that day fuh I’m good at pretending to be good. There’s one time where a friend of mine apparently shocked when I said that my mom work as a cleaner and my father work as a printer then later asked “Tapi macam mana awak boleh speaking English?” Cough. Stereotype people, stereotype.

Even Jade dalam Rooftop Rant terror English belajar dari komik :D 

There’s one thing though, my grammar is still horrible. I’m still building up my vocabulary and phrasal usage. My lecturer said that the best way to learn grammar is to read a lot. However, we used to read for content solely – not the structure. I tried to change the habit, which in exchange does not only works for grammar improvement but appreciation over the sentence structures.

I gotta wreck my body this year :)

p/s: Pandai Uni saya pilih 24th of January as the day of registration :') 

[challenge] #21: Inspiration, where does it comes from?

It really depends on the things I want to work on at that particular moment.

#1 Writing

plenty story that not gonna work-on by themselves
I am that person, yeah – aha that one person who easily get swayed by pool of emotions when listening to song. Especially ones with heavy emotion carried in the melody. I write based on emotions, usually. The deeper the feeling I had for that particular song, the more immerse I am in writing one.

When writing a story, I usually avoid reading stories/novels because it will end up cutting off the link I have with the story. Ah, by the way have you listen to Sorry by Sungha Jung?

Well, you should. I think, Sorry was the starting point for me. Rythm/Melody catch my attention first, as a matter of fact, then lyrics. But still, when lyrics get way to ‘astray’, I would not listening to ‘em anymore.

Another one that works really well for me is by observing people, something that I do on my daily basis. Talk to people, or simply jotting down anything sounds cool out of people. 

#2 Study


This. One.


I usually looks for studyblr in Tumblr. To get envious over their (obviously) super productive day. To get a slap on the face for being lazy. Yeah, my kind of getting worked-up and start studying. Lol.

There’s time where I opt to read few pages I fancy in Rooftop Rant written by HLOVATE too, but that is when emotions get over me so hard that I cannot ‘move’. As you can see, I'm a bit introverted, though I want to casually say that I'm not. I'm ammbivert who are more inclined to the introverted side.  I kept things inside till I feel like bursting out, a ticker bomb. I have few people who willing to listen, but it just me.

#3 Life

I read. I get inspired easily by reading. Be it blog, books or people (not on daily occasion but its enjoyable, don’t you think so). I listen intently to people though I may look like I don’t really give any attention to ‘em. I just got that look, what can I say? Lol.

I recently read If I Fix You by Abigail Johnson and I kinda love how the pieces is beautifully written. The feelings, the word chosen to describe those emotion is just beautiful. I cried.

Sometimes, I wish I could comment without breaking any glass. Frankly speaking, when it comes to story writing, I might seem a little (hopefully) harsh in commenting because I basically spill what I feel like toward the story. I'm a bit worried with the thought that people might get demotivated when my purest intention only to help. 

In reality, sometimes people sighed when I start asking question lol. 

I'm sorry, I would not lose myself in the process, but I will try to be careful with the glass. 

Have a nice day :)

[challenge] #17: a teacher I look up to

When I was in school, I wasn’t the type that goes all friendly nor clingy over people including my teachers. But there is one person who I kinda grew attached to. It is my Physic teacher, the sifu of all when I was in Form 4 and 5.

Frankly speaking, Physics used to be my sleeping pills (Biology probably worsed – an anaesthesia, terus tidur mampus). In another words, I wasn’t into it. I really meant it, because back then I hate anything related to calculations. Used to. Now, we’re okay. In steady relationship with the three combos (Modern Math, Add Math and Accountancy) uh, uhm … until two years ago. Lol.


It all started with a self-conscious and a little guilty feeling over seeing a pregnant woman struggled to teach the whole (weird) almost problematic class. Being in multi-racial class, sometimes theres issue that we cannot avoid. No offense. I literally forced myself to pay attention despite ‘sumpah ai mengantuk u alls’ and things… suprisingly get better day by day. At some point, I’m finding myself enjoying all those little fascinating discoveries.

Like the simple, how can the stars look much smaller than it seems to be or how shortsightedness happens. 

Wait until electrics and wave comes into action. Duh, intriguing isn’t?

My action, (of forcing myself to listen) is for the sake of being respectful towards her. But I have grow special attachment for her, somehow. I did went to visit her once in a while after SPM, but now that my school wasn’t the school I used to study for almost four years (new teachers, new principle, etc) its kinda hard. If you know what I mean.

Dear teacher (tho I don’t mention your name for privacy purpose), 
Do know that I am grateful (tho I don’t ace in Physics lol) for giving me real exposure on how the world is. Physics turned to be so much exciting with a lot of discoveries (more to come). 

Sometimes, I even found myself googling over things for the sake of knowing how they actually works. Curiousity is not gonna kill you if the intentions is to gain more knowledge. Ilmu ni luas, calit setitik pun dah terasa macam besar dan banyak; belum dikira macam mana ilmu itu akan bagi kesan dekat manusia lagi. 

Fuh, AllahuAkbar. 
Indeed Allah is the greatest.

[challenge] #16: Kenangan Zaman Kanak-Kanak

PLKN Merang Suria, Terengganu (1214-0215)

Hampir taip dalam Bahasa Inggeris, lol. Taktahulah kalau orang perasan ke tak, aku cuba untuk tak campur rojak (minimaliskan) Bahasa Melayu dan Bahasa Inggeris dalam satu entri - sebab, ada sebabnya. Perasaan aku yang perlu dijaga emosinya mungkin boleh jadi salah satu alasan. Tapi rasanya selepas entri ke-empat atau lima habis aku langgar. 

Fuh, kawal diri. 
Kawal jari.

#1 Panjat Pokok

Lol. Aku kan, walaupun yang sulung - antara adik beradik aku yang lain boleh dikatakan penakut (cuba disembunyikan dengan perasaan malas nak menyusahkan diri sendiri). Rumah lama aku di Selangor ada pokok rambutan sebelah rumah :') Allahu, kalau musim dia beb naknangis rasanya. Aku suka yang kuning, taksuka yang merah sebab berair. 

Dulu, adik-adik aku jenis gangster sikit, dorang suka cabar aku (yang berumur 6 tahun) :') Aku ni pulak memang ada penyakit taksuka dicabar, mula-mula aku abaikan je cabaran murahan depa lol tapi aku rasa nakcuba panjat pokok tu.

Aku panjat.
Takboleh turun.
Manusia-manusia bergelar pencabar tadi yang kena pergi amik kerusi untuk aku turun.
Taknangis okay. Aku rasa aku memang jenis gayat tapi gayat yang boleh diajar. Heh, kalau kau faham maksud aku. Waktu dekat Merang Suria dulu, aku paksa diri untuk buat Flying Fox. 
Sampai sekarang takrasa menyesal.

#2 Terseliuh Tangan

Pertama kali aku terseliuh, ataupun boleh dianggap badly injured (atleast sampai sekarang, Alhamdulillah) adalah masa aku enam tahun. Waktu tu aku naik basikal budak lagi, tayar warna-warni, baru buang roda tiga :') Aku pergi main rumah jiran aku dekat blok lain, lepastu balik rumah nak amik raket badminton. Entah macam mana, gelojoh punya pasal - tayar basikal aku tersekat dan aku jatuh depan rumah. Nasib baik depan rumah, nak melalak ke apa senang terus.

Yang membuatkan aku ingat; ayah aku tahu trik aku :') Masa tu aku tidur, dengan tangan berbalut lol lepastu ayah aku tanya mak aku sama ada aku tidur lagi ke apa kan. Aku dahbangun waktu tu, tapi buat-buat tidur. Mak aku datang jenguk pastu dia kata aku tidur lagi, lepastu ayah aku datang jenguk depan pintu, dengan senyum sarkastik (hah dah tahu dari mana aku menurun kan) lepastu kata "Tidur apa kaki gerak-gerak." sambil gelak-gelak.

Ouch, ma hearteu.
Sampai sekarang ayah aku masih gelak dengan benda-benda kecik macam tu.
Contohnya, bila aku mabuk kenderaan semalam. Salahkan bas yang dipandu umpama bas dalam Harry Potter. Kita nakpergi TBS, bukan Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry okay.

#3 Mimpi

Aku rasa ni waktu aku kecik, kurang dari lima tahun. Satu-satunya memori yang memang melekat kukuh dalam kepala. Gam gajah atau gam gergasi penyelamat bumi ke apa aku pun taktau digunakannya. Aku ingat, aku ikut ayah aku pergi pasar malam lepastu ayah aku hantar aku balik rumah dan aku tidur atas kerusi panjang ruang tamu. Taklama lepastu aku terjaga, cari abah lol biasalah budak kecik kan ._. Dan aku mimpi sesuatu waktu tu, aku bagitau mak aku.

Ayah aku pergi pasar malam balik, belikan baju Hello Kitty untuk aku kah kah (my princesseu heart) dan aku tunggu. Lepastu, ayah aku balik. Lewat. Benda yang aku mimpi tu jadi dekat ayah aku. Mimpi apa, aku takboleh nakbagitahu. Saat tu hingga satu masa aku memang percaya aku dan ayah aku ada telepati emosi XD


Bila ingat balik, ada masa buat aku nakpergi semula waktu tu dan alami benda tu sekali lagi. Bukan kembali untuk mengubah. Bagi aku, berilah seberapa banyak peluang untuk aku kembali ke masa lampau dan perbaiki all those messed up they have made. I wouldn't.

Sebab, bila tengok perubahan yang orang sekeliling aku alami (Of course, ada those chipped out here and there a bit) Things are way better. Aku sendiri ambil masa untuk pulih secara emosi meski kalau dilihat dari luaran, aku dah moved on.

May time heals everything.
Allah yuftah 'alaikum. May Allah ease everything, cheer up! Have a nice day.

[challenge] #14: travel

credit to Travel Channel (The Palacio de Generalife Granada, Spain)
“Falling was such an elastic word.” – If I Fix You, Abigail Johnson
When I was in my teen-years, I always dream of going to Korea or Japan (to watch the sakura lol) but it wasn’t that intense. I just feel like going there. But now, no. Actually, since last two years – I had this strong fondness over countries in Europe: Turkey, Greece, and Spain particularly. Blame the all the TV-shows I had watched. Bon Voyage for example, duh.

Greece (credit to BoomsBeat)
Turkey: Lol, I want to visit Istanbul because of the buildings.

Greece: I watched this one Pinoy drama called On The Wings Of Love and man, I just love all the buildings where the filming took place (around Santorini). The streets spell loves too! I even intended to learn Greek but uh… it just so hard. 

Spain: I watched a TV-show (which I can’t recall the name is) and that is the moment where I fell in love with Granada. It is a city filled with Islamic relics and sentiments. I wasn’t paying much attention, watching it at the very last minute. However, I somehow feel like visiting that place (not in another five years, I afraid), touching the monument with my bare hands, feels the dusty historical building that contains more than history itself. 

(If only I was this interested in History back in my Secondary School.)

These three places are part of my dreams. To make it real or not, its depends on me. Financial and willingness. But, frankly speaking - I would love to explore every inch of Malaysia first. There are plenty historical buildings (or just plain buildings) yet to be discovered here. As a child, I do not have many opportunities to travel. Banyak kekangan. Years and years after, I kinda get used to not going anywhere. Either I was so lazy, or it just me.

However, when I was in one of the body (?) under Jabatan Kebajikan Masyarakat, it allows me to see the other parts of Malaysia: Melaka, and Terengganu specifically (while attending conference lol) Few of my batch mate even traveled to Japan for two weeks! Now that I'm twenty years old, I feel like there is nothing wrong in marking the years with escapism once in a while.

Jap, tetiba rasa nakpergi tengok kubah terbalik dekat Muzium Kesenian Islam. Fuh. 
Aku kan, pelik sikit. Aku rasa macam pernah menangis bila tengok bangunan. Masa dekat Ipoh pun. Dahsyat betul ah, bila dah immerse dalam sesuatu tu habis semua emosi di-triggered.

Unexpected charms kan? /flip/ 
A slap on the cheeks wouldn't hurt, I guess?

[challenge] #13:Obsession

I should put how much I love making graphic poster too ._. and writing. I had a habits of taking out my journal (bought for RM5 at Daiso, always in my bag) and write almost everything (depends on mood really) in a discussion or a meeting . No ones know what I jot down basically. Obviously, there's thing beside the content of discussion. Sometimes I jot down any quote or simply anything amusing that comes out from ones mouth. Sometimes, it could be a dialogue or situation. 

Talking where I get inspiration to write stories. Lol. I don't doodle, because I can't. It turns horrid /cries a river/

I write my own notes ever since I start foundation years because I am the type who memorize easily by writing notes. It get intense in the last two semester XD I don't keep them anymore, the notes. The notes now may have been passed down from one person to another. I don't know, I just hope it would help them as much as they helped me.

There's thing about me. I hardly buy things, by visiting Muji or bookstore; it already satisfy me up to certain level :) Of course, I would like to posses certain things like Muji's Gel Pen or a new novel lol but I have a really frantic self conscious over buying things. Bukan kedekut uhuks. 

How about you? Do you have any obsession?

[challenge] #12: A Blog I Love


I have a bunch of blog I have been following ever since I was in  secondary school and it keeps increasing. Check out my Bloglist on the sidebar. My favorite blog would be [http://en-nanajohari.blogspot.my]. People who knows me long enough would probably know how much I love Kak Nana's blog ever since her akubudakbiology.

I have been following her blog since I was in Form 2. She would be one of the reasons why I start to write more seriously rather than some random things (well, I still do lol). To be honest, she's the one who inspired me to start writing stories (it starts with fanfiction btw and super pushy Zaa XD) and engulfs myself in Photoshop, designing posters.  

The thing is, I *can be considered* good in persuading people to do something that I feel can be fruitful for them. But it's hard to brainwash me. Degil sikit.

Side story lol.

I get inspired easily when I read Kak Nana's entries. There are changes that I managed to pull off where the starting point is from her. I even talked about this to few of my friend when the 'Why' question surfaced.

Now that she started using English fully in her entries, I learned a lot of new good vocabulary which I don't even know did exist before. Her entries had become more matured and complicated (?) that it get me wrecking my brain in order to understand. Can I cry out of gratefulness? Because she makes me thinks a lot. And Inspired. Lol. 

Nevertheless, I still love her blog. 6 years and counting. Aw.


We probably had one, the one that we always look for inspiration and stuff. To get console out of things that keep happening around. The one that spells 'you are gonna be fine' out of their entry. I want to be that kind of person too. Lol. Long way to go, long way.

May Allah grant you happiness and ease everything for you guys. Allah yuftah 'alaikum.
Have a nice day.

[challenge] #11: Favorite Color

Pandangan ditala ke arah dada langit. Biru terang, seperti ais krim yang kian mencair di tangan. Petang-petang ambil angin bawah pohon memang masyuk sungguh. Lagi-lagi bila dapat ais krim orang belanja, nikmatnya MashaAllah.

 “There’s thing about those cloudless sky that can draw us in. Don’t you think so?

Dulu antara benda yang cukup untuk membuatkan dirinya pulih dari emosi ‘terbalik’ tidak dijangka adalah langit. The universal healer. Berjalan kaki dari sekolah ke rumah sambil terdongak dongak ke arah langit yang cerah. Warna biru cerah yang nampak ‘segar’ dek simbahan mentari terik.

Panas usah dibual, tapi warna tu.


Bola mata singgah pada manusia disebelah.

“Lukis apa?” Senyum sinis yang cuba disorok dengan nada polos menyoal gagal ditelinga. 

Aku pejam mata, tahan nafas. Tahan rasa naksepak orang. Dia punya sense of humor ni tak menjentik saraf betul lah. Sejak bila gagal memahami maksud literal perkataan. Padahal selama ni bukan setakat literal, metafora dan sarcasm tu boleh dikira bahasa pertama dia dah. “Shut up, nakjadi filosof sikit pun takboleh.” Selamba batang ais krim dicampak ke tanah. Tangan yang melekit disapu pada seluar track, pemalas punya pasal.

“Filosof apa kalau batang ais krim pun buang merata. Environmental destruction adalah.” Dia bangun dari pangkin, batang ais krim yang aku buang sengaja tadi dikutipnya. Sempat ditunjal kepala aku dengan hujung batang nipis itu sebelum berlalu masuk kedalam rumah.

‘Hesh, budak ni!’



[challenge] #10: Favorite Love Songs


Frankly speaking, I listened to break up songs but hey break up is one of the process in loving someone. Aha, yep. This is mine;

Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey

No. I don’t even know who Lana Del Rey is. I first listened to this song from YouTube (of course!), sang by one of my favorite sing-tuber (lol); skyswirl for her finals in JYP x SOOMPI Rising Legends. I came to love that song and keep replaying it over and over ever since. Then, well you know – I somehow watched The Great Gatsby (lunatics over it frankly speaking) last year, Young and Beautiful is one the OSTs for the movie ._. and man when the song starts playing, the feelings came all rushing; popping veins of emotions in me. Duh. I love it. 


People who knows me long enough would know how this song basically rip my emotions. The longest on the list. The lyrics, sumpah, is very simple yet the melody is no joke. Guitar strummed on the first verse had almost get me choked. I wasn’t a big fan of HISTORY, really. But I enjoy this song the most out of many love songs produced by my favorite bands. They are one of the groups that basically have a really great side-track songs, beside BTS *cough*. I was head over heels for this song that I’m dying to know who’s the one producing it. I don’t know, still. I even considered to buy their album (no, I don’t buy any album).

Blue Moon by HISTORY is one of my favorite too! They were still considered as underrated group though I could say they really had great vocals (and weird personalities)

Emptiness by MADTOWN

I must have been charms by guitar strums, somehow. I wasn’t a big fan of MADTOWN too. I came across to their teaser  as at that time I was crazy over Jota while watching Neighborhood Physical Education Judo Edition and We Got Married (I’m sorry but they are so cute together). I fall hard over their second teaser /creys/ the guitar strums at the end had me really “I GOTTA LISTENED TO THE FULL SONGS NOW!” which is not happening until the next few days lah. I can’t break into J.TUNE :’) I love the songs, the full melody, the vocals part, the rapper’s part, the cinematography of the music videos. I even set the song as my morning alarm and grow no hatred yet. (I always come to hate my morning alarm no matter how much I love ‘em before) Emptiness is an exception, lol.

It’s weird, it’s probably my ears but I feels like the song in the music video sound slightly better compared to the album.

If You by BIG BANG

I DON’T EVEN KNOW THIS SONG EXIST UNTIL I WATCHED KING OF MASK SINGER. Jungkook of BTS sang this song and I just fall in love with the melody. The contestants in King of Masked Singer rarely sing latest songs – but Jungkook did so yeah I came to know this song. I even downloaded the clean version of this song sang by him. I love both, either sings by Big Bang or Jungkook. 

(Daesung of Big Bang's sounds really intense T_____T in If You)

Dear No One by Tori Kelly

Another contribution from Jungkook of BTS ._. He sang this song in one of the video I found in YouTube randomly few days ago. I searched for the song instantly (thanks goodness he mentioned the song’s name or else I’m lost). It’s been in my favorite playlist since. Among many songs I had grown fond to, this song speaks my feeling the best. 

I realized that one of the things that makes us like certain something may caused by how we can actually relate to that certain somethings.

No, I prefer you don’t read my feelings because ah-uh it’s embarrassing? 

Wohoo, it's been a really long day for me. Now, tell me - whats your favorite song? Come on, I love digging secrets.

[review] Just One Smile is Very Alluring / Love O2O

movie (Angela Baby x Jing Boran)
drama (Zheng Shuang x Yang Yang)

Number of episodes: 30
Genre: Romance
Language: Standard Mandarin
Networks: Jiangsu Television, Dragon Television
Xiao Nai is a gaming expert who, courtesy of his basketball skills, academic excellence, swimming talent and game company presidency, also happens to be the most popular student on campus. When he first comes across the gorgeous computer science major Bei Wei Wei, the infinitely talented wunderkind immediately falls in love. But it’s not Bei’s looks that he notices; it’s the ridiculous mastery with which she is commanding her guild and owning everyone in an online multiplayer game that makes her impossible to forget. Now, Xiao Nai must use his skills both in real life and online to capture the adorable but dorky Bei’s heart. But does their love have the XP to succeed, or will this relationship never level up? +MyDramaList 

30 episodes of charms, I could say. Just One Smile is Very Alluring (movie) and Love O2O (drama) stands from the same storyline. Yep, you read it right. Aku start tengok versi movie dulu sebab ada Angela Baby from Running Man China (suka rambut dia lol) lepastu dapat tahu yang movie ni ada versi drama. Download, tapi tak bother naktengok sebab aku sibuk tengok drama mind-boggling (yang selalunya aku avoid), Evil Minds. My younger sister end-up watching Love O2O after I told her to watch the movie first, man, she fangirls hard. Berebut laptop tu takpayah cakaplah :’) Kena amik giliran.


One thing about chinese drama is, sometimes they just overdo ‘things’; the plot, the scenes, once in awhile. Macam drama yang expected untuk habis pada episod 16 tapi ditambah ‘sikit’ dua episod. Selalunya messy. I was expecting that the plot would start to get boring by the 20th episodes, but no. It didn’t. It still went smoothly, dengan jalan cerita yang semakin berkembang – tak duduk melekat pada satu situasi je.

To be frank, I learnt a lot by watching chinese drama. Terutamanya dari segi pembinaan plot. Bila drama yang kebiasaanya banyak episod, plot dia senang jadi longgar. Takde tarikan dah untuk tengok bila sampai certain episode (lol antara benda yang selalu aku gusar bila tulis novel) 

Cerita ini ada dua settings, dalam virtual life (online gaming) dengan realiti. Interaksi secara online dengan orang-orang yang kita taktahu rupa parasnya bagaimana, hanya dalaman sebagai kayu pengukur. Plot yang sama, plot yang bagi aku agak mengembalikan nostalgia lama. Plot dia aku boleh golongkan dalam kontemporari lagi, takpayah pening kepala otak tengok. Boleh layback makan pop corn pastu fangirl.

Apa yang membezakan antara versi movie dan drama? Selain dari segi perkembangan plot dan karakter, aku akan cakap, rasa completeness. Movie version is quite enjoyable, sticking genuinely to the plot walaupun a bit rushy kalau nak dibandingkan dengan drama. Versi drama lagi memuaskan manusia macam aku sebab dia punya plot ‘diikat’ secara sempurna. Selain itu, dia punya side story sangat entertaining (humor and moral) lol especially tiga besties Xiao Nai (acted by Yang Yang). Kebanyakan scene dalam movie memang ada dalam drama cuma disusun semula bagi teratur (?) sikit. 20 episod ke atas dah boleh kira sebagai complimentary episodes, penyambung dari versi movie.


Image result for jing boran and angelababy

Tak cliché mana, selain daripada senior hot tapi cold (hm takdelah cold mana, comel je lol) dan cheerful girl. Tunggu mamat tu aktifkan mod menyakat dia, nanti rasa macam naksepak je. Ada perempuan perampas, kawan yang baik, kawan talam dua muka, kawan yang akan back up. Ada senior yang sekepala, senior yang takbasuh stokin selalu. Lol. 

Dan aku suka, macam mana watak Zhen Shui (2nd Lead) berkembang walaupun sumpah annoying karakternya awal-awal.  I liked how he actually found the real dream lol macam terbangun dari tidur ekspresinya.


OH.MY *screams*

Antara drama dengan movie, aku suka sama rata. Sebab basically, they are one lol. Aku tanya adik aku, dia lagi suka drama. 

Adik aku a bit attentive to the characters, cara jalan, karakter kebanyakan dia yang point out lol (sebab dia tengok dulu) Contohnya, Xiao Nai dalam drama biasanya bila marah takpun merajuk dia akan senyap. Comel je muka uhuks sis naknangis jap. 


Favourite Scene

Aku suka scene semua gamers dari guild (team) dia berjumpa. Lol, pastu Xiao Nai datang amik dengan payung :') Waktu tu, ada seorang perempuan yang dah memang lama taksuka dia tabur fitnah depan muka. Dan jawapan Xiao Nai, /cry/

[All the gif and pictures, not mine]

Conclusion: 4.5/5, sebab there's always room for improvement :) Tapi serius, aku suka sangat the plot. Those flattering momments.

p/s: Hm, panjang review yang sangat kritikal ni merupakan sesuatu diluar jangkaan. Bila kali terakhir aku fangirl teruk?

Ta *batuk* ..di.

Have a nice day!

[challenge] #8: talking about fashion, a failure.


I would be that one person who rarely dress up, wearing the same attires that you thought its going to bore your eyes out, thinking sport shoes totally fine with everything and obviously, having no make-up at all (yes, not even a coat of lip balm) is fine. 

(No, it's not)

I haven't changed at all, well, yet.


I am so in love with baju kurung. I wear it almost on any occasions because it is so comfortable aside senang nak sembahyang bila keluar nanti. Sometimes, I do wear slack with long sleeves shirt (favorably, stripey or just plain black) and that's it. Jeans is no-uh for me. The last time I wore jeans would probably seven years ago, when I was 14.

There's time, uhm you know, that feels like you want to be fancy a bit. It would be the jubah's day. Lol. I wear jubah if I feels like getting a bit dress-up while on the other hand it doesn't looks like I put any effort. Did I?


I do not own any flat shoes anymore. I was going to get a new one, but to no avail yet. Heels just does not feels right for a 5'6 footer like me (169cm). A walking giraffe. My everyday shoes would be a black Vans (copied?) that I got for RM55 or my black with neon green line sport shoes. Kasut sukan tu dah koyak, but it helps me a lot going all the way through my foundation years. So to just throw it away, doesn't feels right.

Yet, I got a new black sport shoes few days ago. Tch. For only RM28, lol. 


I only wear bawal crepe. I used to wear the normal tudung bawal but man, the inner neck doesn't do me justice. And yes, I don't wear shawls. Takreti. Aku pernah pakai sekali je. Lepastu malas though I do think that shawls can looks so good on a person.


This is sad, I went to class using my (almost ripped) Levi's Tote Bag :') The one that I got for 5 bucks? Or is it something that I found laying in my house, can't remember. Kadang-kadang, kalau nakbeli grocery pun pakai beg tu. Senang, semua benda boleh sumbat. 

Kalau keluar hanging-out, I would wear the bag in the picture above. Dodol even claimed that I look extra feminine using that bag since I don't used it frequently.

I'm  thinking to get a new bag, for class. But meh, shove everything. Let's spend more money on books instead. 


Johnson's Baby Powder and Cosmoderm Vitamin E Cream (as a moisturizer and to heal scars). Yep. Nothing more. Sometimes, I do not even bother to put anything because I'm a lazy bum. 

However, is it because I'm getting older? I keep feeling the urge to at least looks presentable. By mean, probably a coat of lip balm (lipstick, ugh, I can't accept that yet) so that I would not looks that pale.

I might not enjoy applying make-up to my face (lazy remember?) but it doesn't mean I do not love make up. I love the hues, sometimes the smell of it. Lol. I even know the basics, like the function of primer, concealer, highlight and so. I went to Watson with my younger sister and man, she was shocked about that mere fact that I know this things exist.

Can't be help if you friends is make-up junkies, gotta learn from them lol. Kalau tak, rugi lah sampai bila-bila noob.


And that's it. Lol. I can't talk fashion. Really. I only talk about my everyday style.


[challenge] #7: my books-wish-list


          Since the last flood that happened in 2014 washed away all my novels and books collection, I hardly collect any of them now. Tsk. I only have few HLOVATE's, two English novel (The Night Rainbow given by Zaa + Nocturne which I bought last month) three random Malay novels and that's it, I guess. I don't even feels like reading since I got into foundation, probably because there's too much thing I need to do (like watching drama....................) Hiks.

          Take a deep breath and click the re-start button.


          2017 would be the year I wish I could revive from my reading slump. One of the things I wish I could cross this time (since I failed my 50 books challenge miserably last year) is to collect this few books. I can hear the money flowing already. 

          To be honest, I do not know how I should get this done. You see here, I plan to start saving after all this year of not being discipline enough when it comes to handling money. Let just say, reality had already whisper 'start saving', slowly yet creepily.

            I will manage somehow, let's keep the receipts, discount alert and any major books festivals shall we?


This is unplanned. I went to SMO Bookstore back few days ago and man their GempakStarz collection is hugeGempakStarz had always been associated with Graphic Novels , comics (at least by me lol) However, I found out that they actually did have a collection of 'Novel Ringan' under Magic Bean Starz as they called. I even had to act like a spy in SMO, opened the plastic cover just to make sure IT IS A NOVEL WITH WORDS AND PARAGRAPHS and put it back carefully in the plastic. 

 I was going to buy DOTS1, because why not? The last time I bought graphic novels from GempakStarz would be around 2014. Well, I don't anyway as I suddenly got a jolt of realization (of-no-you-need-to-buy-another-things-and-its-super-important

I really adore the scripts and screenplay for DOTS. The screenwriter, Kim Eun Sook is just so brilliant. As a big fan of DOTS, I want to experience and cherish the drama in written form. If you happened to have DOTS OSTs Album (which I don't) you probably noticed that the novel follows the same color, white for Vol. 1 and black for Vol. 2.
Namamu is, yes, as you guessed from the movie Kimi No Na Wa (Alt: Your Name). I haven't watch the movie but the review had been crazy. Soon, I am going to watch it real soooooon (wait 243888#4 hours until the day of undergraduate's registration, so me)

Kirimkan Impian Aku Kepada Kau, looks angsty and I apparently love everything that can be associated with angsty and the word 'impian' on it. Sorry, not sorry. Lol.

Ratu Bulan Nurfa

She is one of the writers I love since forever. Em, more like since 'Aku, Dia dan Gitar' sebenarnya. I did collect most of her pieces however, flood and not to forget how I-Do-Not-Know-Who actually almost ripped Hikayat Cinta to pieces. I thought it wasn't glued to the spine when I received it back.

Hikayat Cinta is centered around basketball (and love), the author did publish few chapter of the sequel; Romeo Yang Hilang. Aw, cheesy lol let's wait until Adam Alexander got tortured. Slayed. I wasn't that fond over Hikayat Cinta at first, but then after I re-read it, I fall in love with the plot.

Prince Charming, is the first novel I bought with my own money. It is centered around football and if you love something mystery, disalut dengan romcom lol. This is purfect. Nazrul, well yes. Nazrul is definitely a yes.

So yeah, I need this two babies back. 

Jemari Seni


I am a huge Jemari Seni's trash. Hlovate's pieces mainly distributed under Jemari Seni. Besides, this publication would actually teach you  a lesson that 'don't judge a book by it's cover' is real. Under JSTORY, you could find English novel written by our local writers. One of the publisher aside BUKUFIXI who did start publishing english novel.

I have read Lazuardi, but for the other three I did not. Lazuardi, I would say a typical romantic comedy pieces but I adore how the story being told. I mean, Shark? Why not.

English Novels

#1 Jenny Han

I have been following this series and the last installment of them would be coming soon [Always and Forever]. I downloaded the series via ibookpile, for the previous two. Wish that they would sell this series in box set, I would gladly bought it lol. It's been my dream to have their box set :')

#2 Rainbow Rowell

I HAVEN'T READ ANY RAINBOW ROWELL'S. I did tried Landline, a part of it, which I later decided to stop because it didn't suite my tea. People had been telling me that Eleanor and Park is a 'must-read' novel since ages, so maybe? Carry On is on the other side captive me in a way I do not even want to talk about. I thought the genre fall into LGBT at first (I don't know why I have that thought) but turned out its not. 

I heard the characters in Rainbow Rowell's Carry did appear in her Fangirl novel, also written by her.

Besides, *ehem* BookXcess Online had copies of Rainbow Rowell's for only RM17.90 each. Hiks. Almost 50% off. Or more.

#3 Kazuo Ishiguro

I decided to explore more Kazuo Ishiguro's pieces after reading (not finish yet) Nocturnes.

 Boleh tak kalau aku cakap aku sebenarnya rasa tercabar bila baca novel ditulis oleh Pak Cik ni? :') I can't entirely grab the message and it's sad. On the other hand, I did enjoy reading the stories and its weird.

  Never Let Me Go, if I'm not mistaken had already being adapted into movie. Haven't got the chance to watch it. I might get a copy of The Buried Giant first out of these three, only because of curiousity.

#4 Classics



The last Classic novel I read is The Prince and The Pauper written by Mark Twain. Borrowed it from my university library but because I am so occupied (assignment and stuff and meeting the three weeks due of borrowing it) which later resulted in me only able to finish only half of it. Remind me of the Barbie series by the way, only with a slight not the standard language we used currently. 

It's classic novel kan. Nasib aku tak start baca Shakespeare lagi though sejak tengok TW-Drama Evil Minds aku rasa nakbaca King Lear,badly. Rasa boleh menangis kalau baca Shakespeare :') sebab barely faham.

The thing is, I cannot read classic novels in digital form, its better in physical form. I do not feels that comfy. Its me je kan?


Jane Austen, aku rasa nakbaca sangat dia punya collection. Especially Emma dengan Sense & Sensibility. Setakat ni aku survey, mahu rabak jugaklah kalau beli individually. Novel Jane Austen ni nipis kecik comel je. Kalau beli a collection yang dibukukan kepada satu terus lagi murah, RM 80++ tapi would you bring the almost-like-a-dictionary novel in term of thickness anyway. No, you dont :') Box Set almost, RM540++. Penguin Classics hardcover taksilap :') The lowest one would cost around RM300++. Mungkin, kumpul satu-satu lah kot :') 

Charles Dicken's Great Expectation pun saya rasa nakbaca macam mana ni T____T Bronte's sister punya works pun :')

The Great Gatsby, well sebab aku sangat enjoy the movie. Jadi, sama macam DOTS, aku rasa nakbaca versi novel.


So here it is, the list of book I would like to have in 2017 (mungkin impossible untuk dapat semua dalam tahun ni) 

1. [Kim Eun Sook / Kim Won Suk / Son Hyun Kyoung] Descendants Of The Sun 01
2. [Kim Eun Sook / Kim Won Suk / Son Hyun Kyoung] Descendants Of The Sun 02
3. [Story By: Makoto Shinkai] Namamu
4. [Comics By: Joi] Kirimkan Impian Aku Kepada Kau
5. [Novel Ratu] Hikayat Cinta
6. [Novel Ratu] Prince Charming
7. [Syud] Vignette
8. [Xenia Zidane] Lelaki Bona Fide
9. [Zinnita] Once Upon A Bucket List
10. Lazuardi by Nasz
11. [Jenny Han] To All The Boys I've Loved Before Series
      To All The Boys I've Loved Before
      PS I Still Love You
      Always and Forever
12. [Rainbow Rowell] Carry On
13. [Rainbow Rowell] Eleanor and Park
14. [Kazuo Ishiguro] The Remains Of The Day
15. [Kazuo Ishiguro] The Buried Giant
16. [Kazuo Ishiguro] Never Let Me Go
17. [Jane Austen] Mansfield Park
18. [Jane Austen] Pride and Prejudice
19. [Jane Austen] Sense and Sensibility
20. [Jane Austen] Northanger Abbey
21. [Jane Austen] Emma
22. [Jane Austen] Persuasion
23. [Charlotte Bronte] Jane Eyre
24. [F. Scott Fitzgerald] The Great Gatsby

What about you? 

lol, I might even consider to buy it :') takpun menangis dihujung penjuru.