Case 7 | mind-numbing conversations

By faten.banana - September 30, 2020

Photo by Adam Neumann on Unsplash
... of 'Are you going to get a job after graduating?'

I will, of course. But I do not know how long would it takes for me to secure a placement. Life is hard, gotta do whatever it takes to live - waiting included. It can be quite tiring to reassure people that we can do something with our degree though we are not from the commonly known/highly-wanted courses. Especially parents. I guess, what they wanted to know is that their children did not just waste their 4 years in the university without no reassuring life after graduation. 

They wanted to feel the ease that their children would not end up at the roadside. I understand that. Reacting and giving response to that would usually cause the trouble(s) though. My mom did not mind that much actually - of course, she has a certain set of expectation towards her first daughter but meh just like me, she is a huge propagator that ones should do whatever they want in life. Nowadays, I tried to list things that I am capable of doing. 

I end up having a list of things I hate doing lol. 

Well, that is a start for now. I have friends who wanted to do course-related jobs like transcribing, translating and content-writing. I have seniors who are working in banking and marketing sectors - yes, with an English degree. We never know. Rezeki is somewhere we know not, after all.

Recently, I read something about Tawakkul. It said tawakkul is not a passive verbal characteristic to which is usually associated with. It is an active action where people need to execute their effort to the fullest before putting trust to Allah SWT.

... of 'When are you going to get someone special in life?'

'Tis the question I would let fate drag me into the flow. What I know for now is I am not ready at all. The idea of having someone into my life makes me uncomfortable. Sure, I can have a crush on someone but it will come crashing down because my world feels better without such troubles. I would just shove people's question with 'Nah, I'm not getting married.' and that will save me for a while lol (after two minutes lecture of how I should not be wishing that way of course)


These days, I keep thinking about someone. Been weeks if I have to be frank.  Known him for years, were insignificantly involved with him for the past three years - thus I would always describe us as a mere acquaintance. His actions and tiny gestures just keep flashing inside my mind though it was months ago. And he is someone that treats people that way no matter who. But then again, I don't think I am compatible with him. I have a complicated life that I am not ready to let someone in, just yet. 

Let me be alone now will ya?

[ps: I wanted to delete this part because it feels weird talking about such deep feelings but nah.]

... of 'Are you not going to talk about how I am making a wrong decision here?'

I am trying to reflect over what has gone wrong here. I do not know either people are just scared of me or what. But ya know, I would not mind at all if people having a go at me whenever I tried to do something that would cause trouble to my future self.


That's it. That's the post for this week :') 
I just need to write this off my mind lol.

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9 comments

  1. Yeah, I'm in similar position as you are rn. Can relate so much to what you just described. But yeah, at the end of the day, not everything will be figured out instantly and we just try to live our life to the fullest and at the same time let God will.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought I would not have to face these conversations (I am a fool lol). I used to heard my senior friends talking about how pressured it is to be in those situation :')

      Yes, that's it. We don't put a stop, we have to work hard while taking a breather once in a while :) It's our life after all.

      Delete

  2. singgah sini minum Ais Latte,jom ngeteh kat blog saya :D

    https://nasuha-itsmyessay.blogspot.com/2020/09/aku-bagi-kotak-misteri-pada-blogger.html

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey I know how u said , I mean we're in same page . I pray for you okay ?

    Me too (again,) I can't easily let ppl into my life. My life is miserable not all will get it . I'm afraid if im being real and transparent they will abandon me right after I revealed . Won't it be hurts ?

    Even I fall for him that hard , I just let him go . Since that's the best decision I can do atm ..

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    Replies
    1. Trust is such a fragile thingy and we are just completely vulnerable. It's hard to accept people, more to be accepted. Let us learn how to love our self more, so that we become more stronger that no one would be able to knock us down :)

      I pray for us.

      Delete
  4. When you dropped a comment on one of my posts I thought, 'is she an English major??'. Okay now I got my answer! You are! XD

    Despite not graduating yet, I can totally relate with the job part. I will graduate by next year and tbh rasa a bit anxious bila fikir pasal masa depan. Especially with this pandemic and all, rasa macam, ada ke company yang nak hire someone with a marketing degree because since economy tak stabil sekarang nih selalu rasa macam berdebar bila fikir pasal kerja. Dengan company2 yang tengah downsize and buang orang lagi. I mean, I don't want to be jobless. Hopefully everything will turn out fine for the both of us!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jyeah, I'm doing English Language and Literature with minor in History and Civilization :)

      Kannnnn, I am anxious and people surrounding me pun sama. Banyak sangat indikator yang boleh mendatangkan kerisauan tu heh. Tak kira dengan orang yang jump from other course to another field when looking for a job. Regardless, rezeki masing-masing kan? Tapi yang penting, jangan mengalah #Reminder

      May Allah ease everything for us!

      Delete
  5. Though, I'm still young and nobody yet to asked any of these questions. I still need to prepared for what's coming to me but if I keep thinking about it, I'll cry on the spot. For now, I'm just like you. Just follow the flow. Praying for what's best for you.

    ReplyDelete