They say, our 20s are pretty confusing age. At one point, we feel like we had it figured - not all, but probably a quarter of it. Yet, things take sudden change, the things we had in mind soon crumbled into specks of dust and we no longer know what we want to do. That little thing we hold dearly in our hand, clasped firmly in between our trembling fingers as we tried to move higher to the mountain. Yet we stumbled into a deep forest. Deep forest that does not only attack us with the mist of insecurity but strangely taken away whatever left in our hands too.

I want to live. 

At one point, I think I know what I wanted to do with my degree. I think I finally figured what I wanted to do with my life. What road I am going to take in order to achieve that dream. But, I failed to recognize our road to success does not always appear in straight line. There are branches of road. There are going to take us into the forest, the sea, the city, the people. We stumbled. We might stop - only to take a breath hopefully. Something like the Tomakninah in prayers. But we are not going to stop for eternity, unless the Higher Power decided to take away our soul.

Up until last week, I think I know where I want to go. Crossing the goals I have made in early 2020. The archived one though - like doing internship, which I chose not to right before ending the sem prior to short semester (period for internship) for a peace of my mind end up become a triggering matter for me. Not that much till it literally trigger me, but it bugged me to some extend. I wish I do my internship, yet the leisure I am having to do something I like - attending webinars, watching dramas, studying on my own, reading a lot - stopped me from sighing for a decision I have made (which is, really, not that bad either).