Assalammualaikum.

It's the third week of 2020, and I finally got the time to properly sit and write about 2019. Talking about the past used to be my forte. Not anymore I guess. How would you describe your 2019? If I were to answer, I would use colours, a bunch of colours to describe all those emotions I got to experience along the year of 2019.

I was blue when I no longer feel the fluttering butterfly I used to when it comes to knowledge acquisition.

I was red when I had to diminish all the chances I was given to, yet I chose to close my eyes out of fear.

But then again, as I was thinking and trying to describe my feeling with colours - all I can ever think of is that bright warm yellow-orange-ish colour radiated by people around me. Of course, 2019 is full of surprises - some are really bad yet there are a number of things that makes me happy regardless of the conditions. 

About people

For an introverted-soul like me, people could scare me sometimes. There is a moment where I get overly conscious about people around me - hence, it affects the way I would treat them. Most of the times, an action that I never intended too and regretted a lot when I finally got the time to be alone, contemplate about that misery. 

2019 is the year where I look upon chances to break out from that shell. I figured I need to throw myself in the society in order to break myself from that old shell. I had to do something. And I did something. I applied for Corporate Communications and Public Relations Bureau under IIUM Students' Representative Council - it was accidental but I took the chance regardless. In addition, I was offered to be a part of my kulliyah-based society - the Islamic Revealed Knowledge and Human Sciences Students' Society and those people I met is such a gem. There among the beautiful souls that make me enjoy being in social functions, events and simply, being around them.  They are the one who pushes me a lot when I get into this 'I don't think I can do this, I wanna drop out'.

I learnt a lot from them. 

At one point, it does get hard and I feel like dropping out. 

I did not.

I survived.

You did well, Fatin.

I look forward to your growth.

About friends

It is weird how I think that I finally get to know my circle of friends more in 2019 as compared to other years. There are people whom I have been with 5 years, 8 years and even 10 years long - I do not know if I am the only one who feels this, but I finally see every piece that make them special, make our relationship special than the other relationship I ever had with people.

I am glad.

One thing I realized I unconsciously did is that - I would express whatever feeling that I had at that moment towards them.

"I am proud of you."

"I kinda like the fact that whenever we spent the time together, I would get this urge to do my best in my studies too."

"You are not that fragile, I know you can handle this."

"Kita ni asyik cakap pasal lelaki je." lol that one was a joke but - hehehehehehe.

To more cendol dates, roti canai dates, Pasar Malam dates and adventures beyond!

About studies 

I was struggling with my own learned helplessness attitude in the first half of 2019. By the second half, I am pretty much proud of where I finally land. I came into the same conclusion that I stumbled upon later in a k-show, that in studies, we have to decide either to study hard or not (quoted from Lee Seung Hwan @ Brainiacs Wanted Episode 3). I would love to talk more about this later after I wrapped them up in my Campus Rambles Series as I literally finished with my Semester 6. Lol. 

There are a number of things I managed to challenged and accomplished in 2019. I choose to highlight these few because I really wanna read this again later in another few years to see how much I have changed since 2019.

Have a blessful 2020!