Cold Coffee

Some people like their coffee ice-cold. with lots of ice that soon melt but remained it cooling sensation. Some prefer it to be hot - seeping hot, only to buzz the tongue and awaken our mind from short slumber. I personally don't mind either - but it perks me whenever I, myself, left my hot coffee unattended and it turns cold. 

There is something about it being left cold that I did not like but I drink it regardless.

Because it is mine. I am guilty of leaving it turns cold, there is just a nudge in me that say that I should not let it go to waste too. Plus, it is something that I personally make for me. Ironically, it is also me who left it, turning it into something that I found unpleasant but acceptable (could be by force at times) to my own throat.

The good, the bad

Life is a series of choice, no surprise. We open our eyes in the early morning (or noon.........or late afternoon lol), we soon confronted with choices - another 5 more minutes or just wake up and start our morning routine. Should we have coffee or tea (or milo)? Should we put one or two teaspoon of sugar? Should we wash our face before taking breakfast or not?

Again, choices. It extends from micro-things like these to extravagant things that could effect our life.

Should we live today, or should we just ... end things up?

Because everything is just a messed up choices - we never make a right one and we end up suffering. Life is a ball of  tangled strings that we know not how to unravel it - or we chose not to do. Because it is easier to remain (or pretend) to be numb than picking every single pieces of our limbs, shattered parts, tangling mess that do not recognize it truer shapes.

Hey, no one ask you to make it into its original shape!?
So what if it shattered, entwine to unrecognizable state - I mean, so what?

The Road Not Taken

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Jadinya, sejak mula PKP aku jumpa banyak benda yang aku boleh kembali tuai minatnya. Antaranya adalah baca novel melayu. I stumbled upon PNM e-reader an initiative by Perpustakaan Negara Malaysia where we can borrowed books virtually and read them via their application, legally for free.

Dan benda pertama yang aku cari daripada website dorang (https://pnm.elib.com.my/) adalah novel-novel keluaran Jemari Seni (sebab aku rindu T_T) Dan aku sangat happy bila tengok collection dorang yang okaylah... around 51 buah dari JS kot - tapi takde HLOVATE #disclaimer.

Why do I enjoy this book? 

Baju Melayu Hijau Serindit, aku tahu waktu browse website Jemari Seni dulu. Tapi, aku takrasa nakbeli waktu tu sebab bagi aku tajuk dia pelik dan sinopsis dia buat aku terus label 'cliche'. Only because dia centralize pasal 'jadi calon suami saya olok-olok' kind of story yang aku dah muak baca.

But, there are so much in this novel yang buat aku rasa sedikit bersalah lepas tu. Lol.

1) Gaya Penulisan

Aku mula kenal Syud dari Vignette (her latest novel published in 2016) - I fall in love hard dengan cara penulisan dia. Sempoi tapi teratur, ada pembayang disebalik straight-forwardnya. In a way, gaya penulisan dia lebih kurang dengan HLOVATE tapi lebih relax. Aku tak kenal sangat Syud sebab aku hanya baca buku HLOVATE je dari Jemari Seni. Lol, sekarang aku sedikit menyesal sebab tak kenal dia dari awal. At least aku boleh collect semua buku dia yang maha susah nakcari sekarang :')

What I have learnt from this novel?

1) Gaya pemikiran lelaki dan perempuan yang sebenarnya (takperlu diberitahu pun lol) sangat berbeza. 

From the whole novel, aku macam betul lah perempuan ni kekadang overthinking dia lain macam sikit - tapi kita buat benda tu out of cares, bukan saja-saja. Kalau lagi sayang, lagi teruk overthinking-nya. Ehe. I still find it funny how Wardah punyalah fikir bukan-bukan bila dia terserempak dengan Pacai yang muka habis heartbroken tapi turns out dia cuma is 'having a bad day' (nak tahu kena baca). Lol.

2) Komunikasi tu penting.

Apa-apa masalah atau benda yang kita taktau pucuk pangkal dia, kita kena tanya. Letak belakang kebarangkalian 'macam mana kalau dia tipu?' sebab ini hubungan dengan manusia. Hubungan antara manusia dengan manusia tak boleh operates dengan jayanya hanya dengan 'andaian'. Dengan sesiapa pun.

Who am I suggesting this for?

... yang suka bahan bacaan santai dan funny in contemporary way? Ehe.

... yang suka sedas dua tembakan emosi.

... yang suka HLOVATE.

Aku sebenarnya tak tahu macam mana pandangan orang dengan hasil tulisan aku, lebih-lebih lagi 'jerangkung-jerangkung' dan 'muntahan' perasaan yang aku letak dalam Wattpad. Dekat blog, aku lebih rasional (sikit hahaha) - tapi bila dekat Wattpad, aku lebih selesa nak cerita pasal emosi dan benda-benda sekeliling aku yang berlaku atau terlintas dalam kepala. Daripada aku asingkan jadi cerita-cerita pendek, aku kumpulkan semua dalam satu folder 'Jurnal Kosong: Himpunan Cerita' yang aku update ikut mood aku. 

Dan mood aku selalunya datang setahun sekali.

Lol.

Akan adalah update kalau emosi aku waktu tu terasa berat. Kadang-kadang benda happy, kadang-kadang macam reflection yang aku tujukan pada seseorang tapi aku taknak tulis benda tu direct and straight forward. Selalunya bila aku nak move on dari sesuatu... atau seseorang. Be it friends, crush(es) lol or even people that I get entangled with. Somehow. 

Dan kenapa aku disini? Heh. Aku nak reminisce dan reflect balik apa yang aku tulis dalam Jurnal Kosong, in a way providing the author's point-of-view. I would love to know apa orang lain sebagai pembaca (kalau ada haha) rasa? Setakat aku menulis pada hari ini (14 April 2020) aku ada 10 cerita dalam ni tapi aku nakcakap pasal beberapa je. So here, the gist and I guess sedikit back up story? Kot.

001: Chance

"We are who we are because of our past, and we are where we are because of it." 

This is basically the gist. Takramai orang tahu, sebab aku jenis yang nampak okay je kat mana-mana. But I have serious problem when it comes to my past. Bukan setakat jerangkung sendiri, jerangkung orang pun ada aku simpan sekali sebab at the end of the day, benda tu akan berkait jugak dengan aku. I still have fear over the past. Yang tahu, tahu aku ambil masa lama untuk come into terms dengan this situation. Separuh dalam cerita ni, benda yang memang jadi tsk. I have scars, but its okay.

002: 18

"Metaphore dia macam oreo cheesecake. Memang sedap, tapi rasa tu akan berganti dengan muak kalau selalu makan. There's nothing special bout it anymore. Bila muak - you would stop kan? Takkiralah its your favourite pun. Maka, apa akan jadi lepas tu."

My friend, Zaa sangat suka this one. Aku sebenarnya tak ingat aku tulis pasal siapa, for sure bukan diri aku sendiri. This one memang 100% fictional lol. Ni lebih kepada reflection pasal sesuatu.Aku rasa aku tulis as a reminder pada diri aku sendiri jugak yang taksemua benda aku explore, jatuh dan suka waktu umur aku masih muda akan retain sama. Kadang-kadang, ada benda kena dibiarkan masak dan matang.

003: Hues of Promise

"Kalau kau buat semua ni semata-mata disebabkan aku pernah selamatkan kau. And if this is the way for you to pay me. I truly appreciate it. All your hardworks, sincerely."

Yang ni special, sebab aku sebenarnya sambung drabble yang Zaa takhabis. Kitorang tukar satu drabble yang takhabis sesama sendiri dan kembangkan jadi one whole cerita. Aku rasa ni lebih kepada one-shot story, tapi lepas tu aku sebenarnya ada niat naksambung tapi sebab aku ada banyak sangat idea - aku taktahu mana satu would work the best?

006: Tiga Kata (Prolog)

"Taksemua perlu ada betul dan salah secara jelas."

Sesungguhnya, aku ada niat naksambung. Tapi tulah, cuma niat. Aku personally suka the gist of this. Ada benda betul yang jadi, dan ada benda aku tangkap dan letak dalam tu. Persoalannya, yang mana satu? Haha. Cara penulisan aku waktu ni lebih bersifat deskriptif daripada guna dialog - which could be a bit dry.

007: Differences

Photo by Hello I'm Nik 🎞 on Unsplash

Panjang kan? Hahaha. Dahlah aku dahlama tak menulis dalam bahasa :')

ps: iShare would be the series where I published articles that I sent for a publisher but got rejected. Lol. I decided to share it here after a few editing is done.

Photo by Fab Lentz on Unsplash

Assalammualaikum, guten tag!

No one probably missed my Campus Rambles Series, but I do. I swear I wanted to update as soon as I start my semester back in February - as usual, I pushed it, procrastinate until this RMO period happened. Talking about unforeseen plan my ladies lol. This is my final year in IIUM if everything goes as it is initially supposed to. Nevermind, I don't mind spending more time here.

Yes.

The first week into the semester I was a bit busy as I was volunteering for APEC2020 at Kajang, Selangor. The second week, we got a week's worth holiday due to COVID-19, if I'm not mistaken. Week three, the studies continue per usual with classes and readings. I have a lot of readings to do this semester and I am freaking out. A lot, not to mention. I think this is the week I am trying to sort out all the required readings because this is literally our first week.

Week four is a bit crazy. I had troubles with my bank account and Kinokuniya - I ended up calling the customer service at 3 in the morning, because welp just because. Things get sorted out after multiple calls, emails with both parties as well as one trip to the bank lol. Oh, and I happened to meet the counselor in my uni because I was having recurring repressing episodes due to improper stress handling. I'm not lying, I was about to run instead of attending the appointment because - I do not want to confront her, more, baring my soul to the counselor. That one hour meant a lot to me though.

Week 4 proceeded with online classes via Zoom and I am excited. I mean, I do. I get to hear my lecturer's voice clearer and louder than in class - but I get easily distracted due to the lack of human interaction. I can go wash a plate or menyapu tiba-tiba during the class. Something that I obviously would not do during face-to-face class cause I would usually sit at the front so that I can only focus on the lecturer.


And then IIUM drops that 10 weeks mid-semester break news :')) At least, my department takes the initiative to ban any online/face to face class as well as assignments submissions during this 10 weeks period. I think that is quite good, cause the main concern here is that not everyone is capable, mentally or physically, working under this pandemic. It's not about being manja or what - but we have different shoes.

I am still on campus though, waiting for RMO to end so that I can go home. Safely gaining 2 kg, well-fed here I can say. Lol. Alhamdulillah for all the sponsors. I have seen many people kicking of many new things during this RMO period. My plan for this mid-semester break is to:

1. Finish all the required readings
   9 novels including a play - with annotation and short notes, because I don't believe with my memories lol
2. Study and read for my history subjects
   I swear History is interesting, but with good articles, it just mindblowing good!
3. Prepares two individual essays properly
   2 months due, I do not want to compose a shit-load paper when I have a lot of time in my hand.
4. Baking lol I want to make honey butter cookies so badly
5. Attend online classes that I signed up myself BayyinahTV, Hikma Fellowship 
6. Catch up with German
   Be it through Duolingo, langblr or you know...uhm WayV's YangYang cause why not?

We will see how it goes after two months, did I managed to accomplish all this

inner voice: (I should, really)

See y'all later :D Stay safe!