069: Have I Got Over My Awkwardness?

Photo by Balint Szajki on Unsplash

Assalammualaikum.

I mentioned this a lot - I am an introvert. I would rather spend most of my time alone and doing my stuff, just like most other introverts are. The thing about being an introvert is that sometimes we just did not notice how we have been shoving a lot of things inside as if our soul is made of a stocking. I keep a few close friends right beside me yet I still found trouble in expressing my worries and mishaps that happened to them. I assumed a lot and that attitude had taken a toll on me emotionally.

It all started with a snap, so soft and gentle, yet managed to cause a noticeable earthquake in my own world. I learnt that I unconsciously start shutting down the door to keep people out from coming. And it's bad. Hence, I decided to make a little change.

But I do not know what to do.  Imagine, sensing that we have to do something to stop the larger strings of problems from getting entangled but we just could not figure what are the steps to counter them. I do not know how I should deal with my growing awkwardness when it comes to meeting people. I have no idea what am I supposed to do when I have to meet people even for official purposes. I do not know how to initiate a conversation without leaving an awkward atmosphere afterwards.

Heh.

Five years forward, have I got over my social-awkwardness?

Yes and no. On the bright side, I learnt to mingle around the people I am not used to. I make friends with strangers-turned-to-friend real quick. I try to initiate a conversation whenever I met new people. I no longer shutting tight the door for people to get inside my circle - some remains as friend and acquaintance, a few might stay as the apple of my eyes uWu hehe.

As I tried breaking my social awkwardness, there are few things I tried doing:

Talk first, worry later
My biggest problem when it comes to communication is often I am afraid of what others might think of me. I am so afraid that people could mistakenly assume that I am for not who I am - somewhere in the line just because I said something that I could have not intended to.

As I learnt Discourse Analysis last semester (yeah me trying to convince people here :')), communication involves the process of encoding (giving message) and decoding (interpreting message). In doing so, depends on the internal and external factors, such as sociological background, the interpreted message could have been different from what one's intended.

So, why am I telling you this?

Just talk. What I have learnt, there are things that bounded to happen. When someone mistook our words, remembers that we are allowed to correct them. I know the dreaded feeling where we just wanna talk but we seem to unable to blurt even a simple 'hi'. Suffocated, yes.

Photo by Fabrizio Verrecchia on Unsplash
Keep The Window Open

... even if you decided to keep the door closed. I used to be... furious at people who comes knocking at the door and when I finally summon the courage to open them up; either they just stood at the frame of the door, or back away.


I hate betrayals, and for me, that is a betrayal.

A part of me is saying that it is selfish to think this way. The world does not rotate around me - I am a part of this world. Therefore, I need to learn how to accommodate my own self than having people to do likewise for me.

We have to be careful with people we want to allow coming into our world. Extra careful. Plus, with the lines of things happened to me before, as much as I want to be more open to new people - I had no choice but to be selective.

Good new, I keep the windows open this time XD

Do not push people, push yourself instead
Lol. I understand the idea of starting a conversation would be terrifying to some people. I used to be. Nowadays, I seldom feel that way. Probably because of the number of programmes and events; outside and inside my university that I have joined. It helps me sharpen my social skills and gets (more like requires) me to be 'approachable' quickly.

Like the time I have to handle registration/public relation during an open (read: a lot of representatives from other universities) handball competition, and that one time I have to complete a task involving thousands of people (while smiling and congratulating them, all the time) as a crew at the finishing line for 10 km marathon in Berjaya Times Square. 

I met a number of people and the unexpected 'hi' and 'hello' could lead to a future relationship. You know the drill. Even if we are not the one who initiates a conversation, someone will. Someone always does that. What we can do is that, accept their hand. Do not push them away, push yourself and make yourself comfortable. I have watched somewhere, probably the dating show I watched years ago; in order to keep the conversation going opt to ask questions instead of blatantly just answering theirs. For instance,

"What course are you in?"
"BENL. You?"
"BENL?"
"Yeah, English Language. Eh taksama uni eh?"

Simple. But then, we always forget about these simple things and let the awkwardness going. Personally, I find it easier to make friends with people who I met for the first time or a total stranger. Weird, maybe not so.

***

To sum up, these are a few things I tried doing for the sake of countering my social awkwardness. It used to be a little bit bad, not that extensively, yet I feel it is important for me to overcome this. To answer the title - no I am not, but I am making a progressive change

May Allah ease everything, and Eid Mubarak gais!


4 comments:

  1. I can relate this situation. Sometimes I feel like I have social anxiety. I'm not that introvert, but I'm scare to make a little conversation and it is awkward....

    Have a nice day
    https://thekhairina.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess, most introvert have this 'anxiety'. We are just too scared of people :')

      Delete
  2. I'm not good at initiating a conversation too, be it socially or professionally and I hate that. But just like you, I'm slowly learning and trying to.

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