Assalammualaikum.

Really, it has been a while since I last wrote something in this dungeon. Two months I bet? Lol. Life has been great - it still does, despite all those small sweet catastrophes that happened. All those mini-heart attacks that I received over the weeks. All those small conversations and meet-ups, soon develop into more than what it actually intended to makes up to it.

All praise to Allah and I am happy.

I guess, that might be the major reason why I do not shove anything in here anymore. Or, it might indicate that I no longer think critically because I write to seek answers over questions which linger around my head. Lol. I used to be sceptical over the fact if I happened to abandon my blog over a certain period of times, it is like me letting my best friend forever (the irony lol) go and come only when I am not happy, to wail. Tsk.

I do wish to share everything in here. Bad and good because it is part of my journey. Even those little things like uhm I started wearing a bracelet over my right wrist because I wanted to get used to it, the fluffy doughnut I have for breakfast yesterday (I swear it is soooooo good), how I started spending my three evenings in the weekends to jog but end up triggering my old injuries.

Those kinds of petty things. I like petty small things and I love telling them to people, virtually. I rarely do that in real life. I just don't. It built a connection between people and I get clingy. When I get clingy ... let just say, you do not want to deal with it. My past experiences with people make me built a wall for my own self. I do talk to people, I do share stories but I never realize until one day, a friend confront me - asking why?

Why do I build a wall?

I was taken aback and shocked, obviously. I thought I already share enough yet apparently (after intense reflection) I could conclude that I occupy emotions I deemed silly within my only self. How silly? My own silly-scale. Lol.

I don't open to people easily, unless in the blog. Whatta weird things to do right?
I bare myself to you lol.

The transition from teenager to a young adult's life might have changed my preferences over the years. I noticed that there are little things I used to hate a lot as a child I soon develop a liking for them. For example, bitter gourd. 

I used to hate those green bitter things even though I come to acknowledge later that my mom made the best stir-fried bitter gourd. I do not know what makes I suddenly love bitter gourd though. Tiba-tiba, on one fine day in CFS I decided to try a spoonful of bitter-gourd and I surprisingly like it a lot.

As cliche as it may sound at this moment, that is exactly how our life works. There are things that unexpectedly would make us happy - well, for me its the food - which we are going to know only if we decided to try it for the first time. Everything needs a first time after all.

This kind of unintentional incidents makes me slowly realize how flexible I have become over the years. I mean, I have always been that type of person who stands still on the ground, refuse to welcome any sudden changes in my life. I am the type that would go ordering the same menu, over and over again because...just because I hate the idea of embracing new options. I stand on my own opinions too.

But, I guess - I learnt to greet a lot of new experiences, ideas and so does people as I grow up meeting, intentionally/unintentionally people over the periods.

I have to give a pat on my back.

/smile/

May Allah bless you fellas!

ps: I still can't eat bitter bean (petai) though >,< The closest it could get is only on my sambal because I like the color in my sambal lol

Few months ago, I posted a status on WhatsApp expressing my frustration over the fact of how people nowadays were shaped by the ideologies/norms fixed by society rather than proudly wearing their own ‘clothes’ (mind the incohesive metaphors I tried putting there by the way). 

But you got the gist, right?

It is something that I have been feeling for quite some time, and I guess I just need somewhere to express that. I was shocked, at first, when I received multiple replies regarding that issue. But, there are two persons whom one person I do not normally engage with – we just work together for a programme while another one is a close friend of mine. 

The discussions were crazy. Sometimes, I still do think about it. I was presented with two points of views; Usuluddin and Human Sciences. Different metaphors; from moral codes to ‘air bungkus ikat tepi uia’. I do not particularly accept both ideas but they make good points, there is no way of separating both religion and life (specifically between norm and human nature) – “Even though we choose to follow the flow around us, we also have given all much of our considerations before we follow them” (2018, K.).

Jadi, aku ambil keputusan untuk tak meletakkan kesalahan pada orang-orang yang terpaksa mengikut arus because it may seem like I did. 

Bak kata kawan aku yang lagi sorang “norms are shaped by the society, and those who do not follow the norms would usually be left out.” Hence, it might be the core reason while people chose to abandon their ‘clothes’ and wear what the society has provided for them instead. If they chose to follow the norms heck even if they chose to not to, bear in mind; they must have already considered both pros and cons of it. 

When it comes to the attitudes of the so-called major society, it goes back to attitude. I do not want to irritate myself by going through that topics, you know how devastating Malaysian could be. Maybe next time.

Oh ya, Selamat Hari Raya! May Allah bless us for this holy month :D

I got this for myself as a birthday present on early March, but I sadly left it at home?

Assalammualaikum.

Prereg Subject

Me and questions.

What happened when I did not read?

Farewell, Jemari Seni.