060: an update

Assalammualaikum.

Really, it has been a while since I last wrote something in this dungeon. Two months I bet? Lol. Life has been great - it still does, despite all those small sweet catastrophes that happened. All those mini-heart attacks that I received over the weeks. All those small conversations and meet-ups, soon develop into more than what it actually intended to makes up to it.

All praise to Allah and I am happy.

I guess, that might be the major reason why I do not shove anything in here anymore. Or, it might indicate that I no longer think critically because I write to seek answers over questions which linger around my head. Lol. I used to be sceptical over the fact if I happened to abandon my blog over a certain period of times, it is like me letting my best friend forever (the irony lol) go and come only when I am not happy, to wail. Tsk.

I do wish to share everything in here. Bad and good because it is part of my journey. Even those little things like uhm I started wearing a bracelet over my right wrist because I wanted to get used to it, the fluffy doughnut I have for breakfast yesterday (I swear it is soooooo good), how I started spending my three evenings in the weekends to jog but end up triggering my old injuries.

Those kinds of petty things. I like petty small things and I love telling them to people, virtually. I rarely do that in real life. I just don't. It built a connection between people and I get clingy. When I get clingy ... let just say, you do not want to deal with it. My past experiences with people make me built a wall for my own self. I do talk to people, I do share stories but I never realize until one day, a friend confront me - asking why?

Why do I build a wall?

I was taken aback and shocked, obviously. I thought I already share enough yet apparently (after intense reflection) I could conclude that I occupy emotions I deemed silly within my only self. How silly? My own silly-scale. Lol.

I don't open to people easily, unless in the blog. Whatta weird things to do right?
I bare myself to you lol.

2 comments:

  1. Hahahhaa. Your last sentence reminds me of my last name blog title lol.

    My housemate once said that I might look friendly but have a very impregnable wall and she was glad when I cried in front of her 'cause it makes her feel trusted as a friend.

    Mind you, it took me 4 years to do that lol.

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  2. Hahahaha, well I learnt that phrase from your blog frankly! It never going to be easy, but I'm in the process of doing so - hard, but manageable! <3

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