079: things I have been doing

By faten.banana - February 07, 2021

Photo by Kristine Cinate

Welp, it has been a while - and I have the audacity to come back lol. I was busy with school works that I barely got time to even breath lol. Anyhow, here I am after a few months - unofficially graduated from IIUM. Pretty anxious I would say because last semester really got me by the throat, especially one of the subjects. 

Life has been crazy. Plans arranged; some doing pretty well, a lot got cancelled. But it is life, and to breathe and still feel alive despite the occasional 'emptiness' and hollows in between - it goes on :) 

I have so many things I wanna do by the time I graduated. I wanna draw more. I wanna learn doing digital illustration. I even got myself a drawing tablet! Hehehe. I want to continue learning another language - perhaps Korean or Dutch/German. But I end up not feeling doing it anymore.

The audacity. I know~

It has been three weeks since I last submitted my final assessment. I spent the first few days resting. Hahaha. I sleep, I watch drama and movies, I read novels. By the fifth days, I'm already bored. I applied for a few jobs, got called for an interview and accepted on the same day because it is immediate hiring. Yet, I decided to reject the offer due to personal reasons (I talked about rejecting the offer with the interviewee as he proposed it to me first in case I am not satisfied with the workload actually) - not kidding, I would love to work there. I know I am going to have fun in that company doing things I love. 

Adulting calls for hard decisions, apparently.

I actually send a message to my group of friends saying how exhausted I am living without not knowing what to do. It's like - after graduating, what's next? I don't know what to do - I mean, do we only have those two choices; studying or working? Before this, I can confidently answer - definitely not studying, for now. I need work cause I need money to pay my loan lol. I do not have the luxury to rest and earn no money tsk. But then, these days I keep feeling anxious over not having anything to do. 

I had friends asking help for me to review their materials for a job interview - and despite having no problems helping them, it gets me anxious.

Of being jobless. 
Of competition some more. 

So, after thinking - I finally decided to do what I do best; focus on my own self-growth. LinkedIn is not good for my mental health, same goes to social media - I end up using my stan account on Twitter and studygram more because it helps me a lot. From stan account, I managed to make a number of friends with strangers that do not only share the same love towards music, but also emotional support and tips dealing with adulthood lol #UNIVERSE #ALICE #GOLDENNESS haha.

For now, I'm thinking of using my studygram for language studies and bujo-ing purpose. I will be here more frequent too cause I need to keep writing in case I forgot how exciting sharing my thoughts to people are! Let's pray for better content XD

And that's all for now.

Let's hope things will get better, for us!

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  1. congratulations on your graduation (even though it's unofficial)!

    jemput join giveaway su ya!

  2. I hope things will go well for you! Amin.

  3. First of all, congratulations for being done and over with your studiessss!!! It must have been such a tough journey for you, what with covid and all, but you made it!

    To be honest, this post really relates to me as well, I'm somewhat stuck in between. I think I have potential, but I wonder if others can see it or I have to push myself to become better. It's a confusing phase to be in and I'm already in my mid-20s so time is ticking for me to make up my mind, at least, that's how it is for me.

    For now, I'm going to do whatever I can to fill up my time while I wait for new opportunities to come up. hehe Take care, stay safe!

    1. Thank you! Looking back, I just could not believe myself :')

      It's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who has the same worries as I am.

      Take care and stay safe too!

  4. congratulations..
    wak cuma taksub kat IIUM confessions tuuh., hehehe

  5. salam kenal kak, tetap selalu berbagi ya kak