074: a reflection

By faten.banana - March 22, 2020


RMO Day-5 and I finally get proper rest. I was busy with submissions until RMO Day-3. RMO-Day 4 was a hectic one cause I need to get my laptop fixed. Since I'm in my uni (#TeamTakBalikKampung) and the guard would not allow the brother from outside to come to my Mahallah, I literally have to walk almost half a kilometre to send and pick it up in the evening at Gate 2. Good things, I got my laptop and a reason to buy Dominos for buka puasa ehe. 

I was laying in the middle of the room today, doing nothing and it makes me realize something. Ever since I woke up in the morning, I have been dragging my time when I do certain things. I realized I would take time to wash my hair and even apply hair treatment, took my time doing skincare routine, I took the time to chew my food properly while enjoying The Flash (hehehe, I enjoy DC series a lot!) and I took my time to recite the surah slowly, immersing myself at it during my prayers. 

It makes me realize that I have been rushing myself - all this while. It's like I have 20 hours per day instead of 24, unlike others. Even when it comes to Zuhur prayer, I have to rush myself though theoretically, it would only take us 5 minutes to perform the prayer because I have class at 2 which I cannot afford to be late to. It takes time to adjust - instead of praying at the mahallah, I chose to go to the centre during the lunch break because I have no class before 2.

It's happened, you know. 

This RMO-thingy makes me come into a realization that the gift of time is just priceless. It also explains why there are people who can have all the time in the world but could not get their job done and those who can settle everything on the list despite being nonsensically busy. I do not know since when I started to rush things up when I can just take a chill pill. I guess, it is one of the things that makes me repress my silent-killer stress. 

I seek help from uni counsellor recently because I keep repressing my stress. I attend my first counselling session on Monday and it helps me a lot in a way I never thought I can bring myself into speaking about that deepest part. Together, we figure out the root of my stress. Turns out, I cannot stop thinking, rushing and pushing myself into having to do something. I feel restless when I do not have anything to do. I feel overwhelmed when I have no control over something. 

It's like a disease.
A disease that is going to get me killed.

She encouraged me to have my own self-time for self-care. A time where I can properly have a rest without having to think too much about anything. 

I agree.
no, im not watching any cult video lol its TREASURE - GOING CRAZY
Today is better than yesterday as I started to appreciate this sudden 'holidays'. I draw, I paint, I write. I watch my favourite series without having to worry about my school work - at least for a few days. I can read Qur'an some more than usual, pray a little longer. Bath a littleeeeeeeeeee longer. Lol.

Life is good. Alhamdulillah.

How did you guys coping with RMO?

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  1. doing good la tho hari kelima rasa sikit lemau hehe..
    buat okla okla..

    1. hehehe that's good for a start! XD nanti rasa best lah sikit once explore benda benda boleh buat kat umah ~~

  2. RMO would be good if I don't have to work lol

    1. I agree :') Nvm, you still get paid for that despite not having to redah the traffic XD

  3. Glad to read that you found something positive in this trying times. I hope I can find something positive as well, insya Allah.

  4. Alhamdulillah I'm doing good. please take care of your body and mental health.
    stay safe.

  5. sometimes i'd also feel quite restless when i'm super bored. it's good that you talked to a counselor. having some me-time and self-care is important sometimes. take care! x

  6. Alhamdulillah faten <3 take time to heal

  7. Lazy me doing absolutely nothing for the past week which I shouldn't! I have lots of works to be done, lol. Anyway glad that you're in good health, it's what most important and blessed to have during this pandemic. Stay safe and enjoy the rest of the RMO

    1. Now you have reason to start working since you laze around for the past week XD Stay safe too!