Assalammualaikum.

Apparently, whenever I decided to do something (weird mostly) Allah knows better and will send me tremendous things in bulks. Like for example, a fortnight ago - I decided not to engage with any people, unless necessary. I wish my rules for the week applied to class too, but my parents would be furious over it and myself too would be so rugi because hello masuk universiti ni sebab apa? Lol.

There is no way I could avoid engaging with people at all because a matter of fact, I'm on  Earth. So, yep. 

The reason why I decided to do that weirdly weird exertion is just that I could sense that I keep feeling like a prick, getting annoyed to a lot of things. Things that the normal 'me' would not usually care pun. Partly, I guess because it is almost the time of the month. But, I would say - I just want some time alone to be with myself. 

Here's a twist.

You see, I am so used to the idea of eating alone, walking alone, sitting alone in the class. However, during that particular week, suddenly there were a lot of people who would come to accompany during my lunch. Even strangers! I mean, there was one time - I was eating my Nasi Kerabu 'unchaperoned', an uncle, out of the blue, came and sit in front of me with his lunch. A classmate whom I not in particular close to ajak makan sekali which I cannot just refuse because ... I don't know? Masa keluar sorang-sorang to Suria KLCC pun ada orang tiba-tiba duduk makan sekali despite the fact there are a lot of empty space ahead. I believed, along that week, never did I ate my lunch by myself. (Disclaimer: I do not mind if it is my friends who invite me to eat with them - but kalau takde siapa ajak, I would just eat alone.) 

People who know me understand me.

Things like this happened previously too. Like, at the time when I decided to not getting married to anyone. Friends called me Feminist based on the reasons I provided to them. Can't blame them for that as Welp, me too! Lol. The next few days, I somehow bombarded with new viewpoints/ signs, my mom and grandma suddenly talk about my non-existence love life, and few people coming into my life (the irony); forcing me to abort the so-called 'mission'. Walaupun aku cuma bagitahu dekat dua orang saja pasal benda niat aku taknak kahwin. I am still not prepared for any commitment at this moment though, that plan needs to wait for another three years.

You see, indeed, Allah knows better. Stated above is something typically we do. Every so often, we want to save ourselves from struggles, yet never did we know how all those things are the one Allah wants us to do, to go through, to experience, to get to know as much as we are able to. More or less, it is not to torture us but rather a test designed to shape us. 

Sekarang, aku rancang je banyak benda - tapi kena fikir jugak, apa yang berlaku mestilah dengan izin Tuhan. Kalau Tuhan dah tetap yang aku takkan boleh habiskan degree aku dalam masa lagi dua tahun contohnya? Aku nakbuat macam mana. Aku dah usaha tapi Allah tak izin. 

In conclusion, prepares for whatever consequences even though you are pretty sure about your plan and decision. Life is a pain-staking, bitter-taste medicine for the soul after all.

Let's strive for the best regardless, May Allah ease everything!

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[p/s: I finally figured out already why I could not post any comment in any blogger entries that use embedded comment :)))))) I am gonna start leaving comments to people like crazy! And yep, I'm reverting back to simple template lol.)