089: Getting back at life

"Once in a blue moon, this question would pop up in my mind." I blurted that out while twirling my chair. I am sitting beside my manager's desk, having our strategy meeting, as usual. 

"What...?" 

"What am I without my social identities? What are we without our nationality, ethnicity, and occupation? What makes Fatin... a Fatin?"

Without missing a beat, she answered "Fatin likes books. She likes reading. She likes taking pictures."

And I smiled.

---

At a certain point in life (and yes, I know it's only been what, 28 years? Hehe, Alhamdulillah nonetheless), I began to feel my sense of identity as an individual starting to blur with my professional role. I found it increasingly difficult to separate who I am outside of work; someone with free will, hobbies, and personal time, from who I am within my career. Even after nearly four years in the workforce, I struggled to adjust. The boundaries between my personal life and my work life seemed to dissolve, and navigating that shift wasn't easy. 

It still does.

Sometimes, I think I got all them figured. But then again, it was something I have been struggling with for a very long time anyway i.e. (1) thinking everything is concrete (2) leaving no room for flexibility (3) getting overly frustrated when reality doesn't fit the mold. I hate changes, if I have to be frank. Its not alien to people around me perhaps, but one I have denied for the longest possible time. Hence, the reason why I struggle adjusting my life with this these new... additions though it is very much expected anyway. 

Adjustment.

Lately, I tried to let go some things that I believe would only require more energy if treated with resistance. It wasn't easy, but it helps to ease the burden of wanting to do certain things my way or the way we have decided earlier *practicing flexibility*. Sometimes, I find myself weird as well. Why am I so fixated on being concrete and constant? Especially when those things are not meant to be kept that way i.e people's opinion on certain things. Over time, opinion can change especially with experiences and new knowledge. I feel cheated tau? Lol, sumpah tak faham kenapa I feel to that extent. I understand why those changes happened, but my brain just cannot cope with the changes. 

Yep, trying to change that.

But, I am taking it easy. One step at a time.

Now, what makes Fatin a Fatin? (A list that is still growing)

1. She likes books (buying and reading books <3)
2. She likes taking photo (especially scenery!)
3. She likes journalling and writing.
4. She listens to songs that she likes over and over again.
5. She loves performancesssss (concert, plays and theatre)
6. ONE OK ROCK!
7. And a lot more...

Have you ever stopped for awhile and this question floating around your mind for a bit?