tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3101863929932933102024-03-14T03:12:34.222+08:00between the linesfaten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.comBlogger153125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-52764244769215007742023-12-30T13:00:00.005+08:002023-12-30T13:00:49.000+08:00088: being in our twenties<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/pink-roses-on-brown-paper-bag-Ht9uYH6oDcE" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="581" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1591783097488-bda7e4e8653e?q=80&w=2822&auto=format&fit=crop&ixlib=rb-4.0.3&ixid=M3wxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8fA%3D%3D" /></a></div><br /><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">I am hitting 27 years old in 2024. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Age is just a number, <i>sure</i>. But, it does make me think about a lot of things as well. <i>Like,</i> how it has been almost <b><i>two</i></b> years since I left my previous company, <b><i>three</i></b> years since I left school, <b><i>three</i></b> years and counting since I have the ambition to continue my postgraduate studies, <b><i>two</i></b> years since I said I would finally take my driving license but still did not, almost <b><i>nine</i></b> years since I left and live far from home.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">It has been over one year since I was crush-free, one year of calm and peaceful life, four months since I changed my lifestyle and habits, two months since I seriously exercise (<i>welp</i>, mostly running!), six months free from the occasional mental breakdown and no-sense crying...</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Welp.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I still had that out-of-nowhere anxiety once in a blue moon, but overall—I definitely feel a lot better this year.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Regardless, I have come to learn that growing up is a process, a continuous process that goes not only when we are still a child or a rebellious adolescent. It keeps going and we keep on learning from it. The learning path would not be the same as well. I might learn that one of the ways to stay <i>afloat</i> is by letting go of myself instead of responding to every <i>suffocating</i> trigger. You might learn it the other way around. Perhaps, every response helps trigger your fight-or-flight mode, kicking in the adrenaline needed for you to push through.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">We could not always fit in <i>comfortably</i> in others' shoes<span style="text-align: left;">—and that is a fact.</span></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><a href="https://www.tumblr.com/ben-learns-smth/723729702152503296?source=share" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="1017" data-original-width="1054" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4ls_kaM3djl3Wp3FF7SxbnMjWHaVhQMXgAl5Ohzxuz3Hh07aA_ceT0w08ygTUmv0zpvGTRZXogIeNtgJI15mqx9sQuRnaKhFWBEPoeBkxPrlBUo_ECZBAw4l8nNOuSikD5NajCaS0bZRlwLXElQTuzX7j4-MLTvYrTZptCdE9ApTY7fPktglSrJv6f6XD/s16000/Screenshot%202023-12-30%20at%208.09.30%E2%80%AFAM.png" /></a></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Being in our twenties, for me, is very much confusing. When I was in my early twenties, I thought I would be free from all these '<i>crippling</i>' emotions and <i>things</i> once I jumped into the real adult life <i>aka</i> working life--but nothing in those years have prepared me for this. Over the time, we just learn how to stay afloat amidst of all things, while at the same time try to make bubble and have fun with life.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">ANYthing that keep us afloat and <i>contented</i>.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Cheers for 2023! :)</p>faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-41036509866172249542023-10-01T01:23:00.005+08:002023-10-01T01:27:31.532+08:00087: of some things we'll never know<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" height="533" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1695456527397-0b9e1c79fe96?ixlib=rb-4.0.3&ixid=M3wxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8fA%3D%3D&auto=format&fit=crop&w=2940&q=80" width="800" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@eberhardgross?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">eberhard 🖐 grossgasteiger</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/a-group-of-trees-with-yellow-leaves-on-them-zG8VFOg7wgo?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></td></tr></tbody></table><div><br /></div>Can't believe, it has been over two years since I graduated from university. I miss studying. I miss the time I had to stay up late just to finish an assignment. Of course, I wish I did better <strike>(so that my study loan can be waived for instance lol)</strike>. Life is good now--it has its own occasional turbulences. But, I believe I have been reacting/responding to them pretty well. <div><div><br /></div><div>I still live my life quietly; focusing on myself most of the time because I have been getting sick, on and off, a lot for the past two years. <div><div><br /></div><div>Growing up, I was never 'the' sick kid. I would only get sick (fever usually) once per year, and <i>that's</i> it. But now, I frequent the hospital/clinic a lot. It never gets easier. Especially as I am practically alone in this city. So, I have to get by by myself.</div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I have learnt that too much stress can lead to physical pain towards my body. I talked to my physiotherapist when I was getting treatment for my back pain, and she said that could be one of the reasons. So, I try to let myself loose a bit. After all, there is nothing that can be done when I get sick, no?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I have learnt that I need enough rest once I max out my social battery--if not, it will end up with me getting sick. It has happened countless times already, so I try to take care of myself better which includes saying no to further engagement beyond working hours. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">On the weekend, I just spend it at home. I don't really go out that much anymore. I tried not to move that much since ACL happened because the pain can be excruciating. Furthermore, it hinders my movement a lot (and spikes my expenses because walking pains me, so GrabCar it is! - even when I am heading to work) 😵💫</div></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Now that I'm already discharged from both physiotherapy and orthopaedics clinics, I am trying to move more. I need to lose weight (like a lot) while getting my limbs to work as usual again. The thing about being physically active before, once we stop doing sports -- the weight will just shoot through the roof despite not eating that much. I already signed up for gym membership at my company, so that I can continue using the equipment for my post-physio session. Yet, I never got the time to go there.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Let's just hope I would recover well for now, yes? :)</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Your prayers count.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Thank you.</div><div style="text-align: justify;">May Allah bless, always.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Till next time.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div></div></div>faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-53739930919155578892023-07-30T19:42:00.001+08:002023-07-30T19:42:11.012+08:00086: Life Recently<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNh9i6xlqsHqWH6HD9dXYQDkSDIwo2NWOFnzKXHuw_nFMgbvqmOk8F6Wxo5ZgChgT1sa7QgkzAoFWD5iBOWlsIy7baZp7yEH2dpFMTknOmjCMm1J_RORXUUDibo9A6SV4jNj_wcXcT0RuUfYKJMmRw_WowYmQAwLuc7TF1yKNGkP9WQY59UE8hucW8qUiQ/s3000/yue-su-Qdqd7Z9CuNE-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="2000" data-original-width="3000" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNh9i6xlqsHqWH6HD9dXYQDkSDIwo2NWOFnzKXHuw_nFMgbvqmOk8F6Wxo5ZgChgT1sa7QgkzAoFWD5iBOWlsIy7baZp7yEH2dpFMTknOmjCMm1J_RORXUUDibo9A6SV4jNj_wcXcT0RuUfYKJMmRw_WowYmQAwLuc7TF1yKNGkP9WQY59UE8hucW8qUiQ/s16000/yue-su-Qdqd7Z9CuNE-unsplash.jpg" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Assalammualaikum and hello fellas,</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">It's been a while—as usual.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">My laptop broke down a few days after I updated my last entry. Long story short, I decided to get a Macbook Air after almost a month of contemplating whether I should go for it or not. Even before my laptop broke down, I have been considering a Macbook due to my job's nature ._. (I do editing using Illustrator as well as video editing). But I refuse to buy a new one since my laptop is still strong even after five years. Occasional freezes and crashes were something I am willing to endure at that time, rather than spend RM3K+ for a laptop.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Welp, it took one single act of not closing my room's window properly—and there goes my laptop. Basah, due to the heavy rain. Luckily, nothing happened to my external monitor. I have another laptop given by my company which obviously I brought to work :') but it's not powerful enough. It does get my job done though.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">And that's how I finally end up with a Macbook Air. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I LOVE IT. Probably my best purchase for this year ._.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">That aside, I have been trying to read a lot these days. But it is quite hard considering how I am easily drained right after working hours. I just want to go back home, and sleep. I do wish I would be able to do a lot of things just like others. But, I simply have no energy. It's not like I have to move bricks pun during working hours. I really wonder how people work really hard in the daylight and continue working out at night -- coz this person just cannot ._,</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Maybe I should wake up early and get things done in the morning instead. <i>Kan</i>? </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div>faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-54941193708816148972023-06-05T00:38:00.004+08:002023-06-05T00:58:10.544+08:00085: Romanticising Life <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW9N5VLP9VuE4fn0Vf5WzNZFVdWfqZjF3NVw0x3Io3Zp7u3-5O1iM2WXiG934OrU5weH6rBdMfgApCBsmIeCfjUYi1dQDlMYMMKXc6-MYWmCAnLQv6blQymHnqVwT4X5YrIdWB_qEtPz2n1OysoCcFEp9g3Z1i0q96CryT6rP7rG0XjqmG-Q0u5pO08A/s4032/blaz-photo-zMRLZh40kms-unsplash.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW9N5VLP9VuE4fn0Vf5WzNZFVdWfqZjF3NVw0x3Io3Zp7u3-5O1iM2WXiG934OrU5weH6rBdMfgApCBsmIeCfjUYi1dQDlMYMMKXc6-MYWmCAnLQv6blQymHnqVwT4X5YrIdWB_qEtPz2n1OysoCcFEp9g3Z1i0q96CryT6rP7rG0XjqmG-Q0u5pO08A/s16000/blaz-photo-zMRLZh40kms-unsplash.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">I was reading my old stories - the few ones I uploaded in Wattpad back in 2018. Back when I was in my study years. I was quite mesmerized with the way I expressed my emotions through word back then. How can I describe something so painful (<i>used to be</i>) in a very hopeful/optimistic ways?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><div><br /></div><div><i>No kidding.</i></div><div><br /></div></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I <i>like</i> that version of myself.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Writing has always been therapeutic for me--especially back then. Nowadays, it is hard for me to express myself--even through written words. I suspect because I don't read that much compared to before. Hence, the reason finding the right word to express my thought and feelings seems to be extra difficult. <i>Too bad</i>, I guess.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Just like how Lara Jeans (from To All The Boys I've Loved Before) used to write a letter, put it into an envelope with their address but never really post them out whenever she had too much emotion/feeling towards the person she has a crush on at that moment<span face="Roboto, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-size: 14px; text-align: left;">—</span>the stories uploaded in my Wattpad were actually farewell stories. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Whenever I decided to end my crush over someone <i>slash</i> when I have to much overwhelming emotions, I write stories. I write a drabble, and then I moved on.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">It used to be <i>that</i> easy.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">A few days ago, I have a conversation with a friend of mine from university. We were talking about the recent PBAKL or KLIBF 2023, where she suddenly talk about my writings... <i>gulp. </i>It's weird thinking how my rants of emotions back then stay inside people's mind for quite such a long time. It is also one of the main reason why I stop writing stories. The gravity of responsibility that I had to bear make me question myself. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">And as you may assume, I am not very <i>comfortable</i> with things beyond my control.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>I hate it at some point.</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">But I did write about my life at my CF IG stories. It is much more easier than sitting in front of my laptop and writing them because I would always end up deleting everything even before I finished a paragraph.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>Not to forget how easily distracted I was...lol.</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: justify;">That aside - I always need to be on the road or just... <i>tired (</i>which is like almost every minutes<i>). </i>Ergo, you can't really see me around. I miss blogging world so much. But, I guess just like me -- everyone has their own priorities to cater to. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">No one told me adulting would be this tiring tsk tsk. Romanticising my life once in a while helps me a lot though. Something simple, like having ice-cream as I walk back home after work or squeezing gallery/bookstore visits even without buying anything lol. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">At least, there is something in life that would spark joy and shoot fireworks to our sky.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>Isn't?</i></div>faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-36509384641750014062023-03-25T23:44:00.002+08:002023-03-25T23:44:09.213+08:00084: I wanted to write something<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnu_XaEZyNzmUXrGJdd39bYAkEbG-kcqsgUN_ME6mwRCac_n7SsS2YBKGIopMFG1aTMOkSRsmNTzTnd_B_3bGTZaYBE8nzPb3CsF0BkdvttkBhgzmWJ51k6kLdIs_6gYDYgLnyRX0mP2vjndLTgSGQV2AWkL5t09bnTyuQxXdbSA8bXVTPQw-4czpE6A/s2992/fahrul-azmi-gyKmF0vnfBs-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2992" data-original-width="1683" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnu_XaEZyNzmUXrGJdd39bYAkEbG-kcqsgUN_ME6mwRCac_n7SsS2YBKGIopMFG1aTMOkSRsmNTzTnd_B_3bGTZaYBE8nzPb3CsF0BkdvttkBhgzmWJ51k6kLdIs_6gYDYgLnyRX0mP2vjndLTgSGQV2AWkL5t09bnTyuQxXdbSA8bXVTPQw-4czpE6A/s16000/fahrul-azmi-gyKmF0vnfBs-unsplash.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@fahrulazmi?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Fahrul Azmi</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/mosque?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div>Ramadhan Kareem everyone! :)</div><br /><i>May </i><div><i>Every target and goal,<br />Every 'ibadah,<br />Every tear and prayer,</i><div><i>Every silent fight we had against our nafs,</i></div><div><i>Every effort we made </i></div><div><i>to welcome and glorify this Ramadhan</i></div><div><i>is answered in the most beautiful way by Allah Ar-Rahman.</i></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>We can do this :)</div><div><br /></div><div><br /><div><br /></div></div></div>faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-13863350834483442542022-10-24T01:41:00.003+08:002022-10-24T01:41:20.600+08:00083: cheers to everything I have swept under the rug<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1666470745855-dafbe83bc708?ixlib=rb-4.0.3&ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&auto=format&fit=crop&w=775&q=80" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="580" data-original-width="775" height="580" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1666470745855-dafbe83bc708?ixlib=rb-4.0.3&ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&auto=format&fit=crop&w=775&q=80" width="775" /></a></div><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">I have been living my life... quite quietly. Only update what I feel necessary to some people I consider close with - while acknowledging the fact that my feelings can be overwhelming to them. There are times when I feel like packing my stuff, deleting my social media accounts, and just deleting any trace of me in this world. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">But of course, I did not.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">This woman is too broke to pull that kind of trick sadly.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Yeah.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><h2 style="text-align: left;">My job is my coping mechanism.</h2><p style="text-align: justify;"><i>Alhamdulillah</i>, regardless of whatever happened - Allah still bestows me with a job. I am still trying to do my job properly, but there are times when I am on the verge of breaking up because of insecurity due to my incompetency to complete some tasks. I think, my job is the thing that keeps me sane and insane at the same time. I should clock off by 5.30pm, but sometimes I chose to stay a bit longer and finished whatever I need to do. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">It never finished anyway. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">There are times I feel like coming to the office at 7 am since my place is 10 minutes walking away only, but I decided that would be too much. I should clock in at 8.30 am lol</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><h2 style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I can't be emotionally available to everyone, no longer.</span></h2><p style="text-align: justify;">I used to be that person who has no problem listening to my friends' ranting whenever they need one. Just give me a call, or shoot me with text right away. But, over time - I realized that in doing so, I am putting my own feelings as the second priority and it is draining my energy. It's painful for me. Suffocating and choking at one point. Or many times this year alone. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I have always been that kind of person. I don't express myself well though I may seem vocal most of the time. But, the truth is I just took a long period of time to process feelings and discern what I currently have in my mind as well. I talk about a lot of things - crushes, works, books, and things in general. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">But I don't talk about being scolded at work, my mom almost got a stroke last July and I still think about it even today, having no money to survive till the end of the month, I got referred back to Orthopaedics this month due to the same injury that never left me since four years ago, feelings like options to some friends, feeling incompetent.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I guess... adulting changes <i>me</i>.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><h2 style="text-align: justify;">Feeling sorry for feelings things</h2><p style="text-align: justify;">For liking a person a little bit too much... but yeah, the first time always hit a little bit harder. </p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">---</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: justify;">May Allah ease everything.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><i>I still wanna properly live this life.</i></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p>faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-56793155856681724012022-09-24T23:19:00.000+08:002022-09-24T23:19:06.358+08:00082: the pinnacles of healing<br /><div style="text-align: justify;">Friends had always mentioned this to me - they wish no one would ever have to experience it, especially me. I could never understand the gravity of heartbreak before, because moving on after a failed crush-ship has always been an easy task for me.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div><div style="text-align: justify;">I guess because I never had a proper love relationship. I never totally like a person until my heart is full with his name, and only him. Not until this year -- but let's just say, after 6 months, I finally found out that it will never work out.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">He is not married, but he has someone already.</div></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>How did I find out?</i> I asked a friend I really trust to find it out for me before I went back to Kelantan. It was my first time asking a male friend to do such a thing; heck literally confessing to a guy that I have feelings for this man. He was reluctant at first, but I managed to persuade him somehow. I am so determined that once I go back to KL, I already know what I should do with my feelings.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I remember waking up one morning in Kelantan, and a text from that person came in:</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>Salam Fatin.</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>Aku dah tanya pagi tadi.</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>Dia dah taken.</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Voila.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1467810563316-b5476525c0f9?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1469&q=80" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="534" data-original-width="800" height="534" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1467810563316-b5476525c0f9?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1469&q=80" width="800" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">Throughout these 5 weeks of me trying to mend myself from this heartbroken phase, this week seems to be the hardest. I did not shed any tears at all ever since the day I found out about his status. I only feel stupid that I had never really asked around about it earlier. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Anything could have happened in the span of 6 months - there could have been sparks between us, but he could have gotten together with his past lover :') I guess, if you like someone - just go for it before it became too late.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I wrote a lot actually, yet I end up deleting everything cause it feels too personal. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Doakan Fatin baik-baik aja okay? </div>faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-15020907234656406012022-08-09T00:45:00.002+08:002022-08-09T01:17:39.501+08:00a letter; perhaps to myself (or not)<div style="text-align: justify;"><i>Bismillah.</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>Alhamdulillah, tsumma alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal. </i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: justify;">It has been a while; pouring whatever confusion and thought lingering around my mind in a public space like this. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I have been good, I guess? Inn Shaa Allah. There are a lot of things going around for the past few months-- a lot of things that I could have pen-ed down here like I would usually do.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>But I did not.</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Life has been confusing at a certain stage this year, which I cannot deny had caused me to bawl my eyes sometimes. Being 25, perhaps there are a few occasions and stories I never thought I would have to deal with this soon, just come and stop by. Saying hello, leaving traces of lessons. Looking at the way I react and respond to it at the end of the day, I know it happened for a reason. I just need some (grace) period to digest everything and let myself have a taste of those feelings. Allowing my body and skin in touch with them.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1575178114667-c8a832c61f45?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1374&q=80" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="533" height="800" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1575178114667-c8a832c61f45?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1374&q=80" width="533" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I have never been a fan of ongoing issues. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I hate drowning myself in an occasion for so long. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><i>I hate dwelling. </i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><i>I hate waiting. </i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><i>I hate uncertainties. </i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Of things that happened recently, make me realise that there are events where I need to give myself (or others) some grace period for them to fall into their (rightful) place. Learning how to do that caused so much anxiety within me. Most of the time, I feel like running away. Running away from uncertainties; and letting myself fall into the embrace of not having to think about any possible outcomes which can be drawn from it. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><i>"Tapi kan Fatin, kalau kau continously buat macam ni. Asyik nak lari je. Bila masanya kau nak bagi peluang untuk diri sendiri rasa benda yang kau sepatutnya rasa? Let say if kau let go this time, kau give up this time sebab kau tak nak rasa semua ni-- in the future kau kena lalu jugak weih. Sampai bila kau nak tangguh just because kau tak sedia?" - N.</i></div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><br /><br /></blockquote><i><b>Kelu lidah.</b></i><br /><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"></blockquote><br /><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"></blockquote>Taktahu nak cakap apa bila those words masuk dalam telinga, terus tembus menusuk caused 99% of its are the truth, 1% of its is just me in denial and being defensive.<br /><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"></blockquote><br />Banyak perkara perlukan masa.<div> <blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><i>"Slow-slow Paten." - Z</i></blockquote><br /><i>Ditto</i>.<br /><br />Selagi mana saya mencuba, things should be fine kan?*<br /><br />Semoga Allah permudahkan urusan-urusan kita.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /><span><a name='more'></a></span></div><span style="font-size: x-small;">*Kita akan baik-baik saja, dengan izin Allah.</span>faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-25164020667527933022022-01-07T06:19:00.006+08:002022-01-07T06:19:47.525+08:00Case 8 | 2021, a year in review<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiIIyEXHgwcxJq3cVntAXWGniHxm_zLfATs7pufL_tdw6INs-ckBcXNLpH54WDyjmT1AFls41TDnngrKv5SqPy7KkfbBQ3zKnMqFYjglRenOEuNqsaYBnrE97RenLBpZWdD3Kvt-gDrPhyf81cJEC1SJRbl7d7PwX7WcZXcxt8ZbY8EeGbTfFHhkDdA4Q=s4135" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4135" data-original-width="3308" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiIIyEXHgwcxJq3cVntAXWGniHxm_zLfATs7pufL_tdw6INs-ckBcXNLpH54WDyjmT1AFls41TDnngrKv5SqPy7KkfbBQ3zKnMqFYjglRenOEuNqsaYBnrE97RenLBpZWdD3Kvt-gDrPhyf81cJEC1SJRbl7d7PwX7WcZXcxt8ZbY8EeGbTfFHhkDdA4Q=s16000" /></a></div><p style="text-align: justify;"><b><i><span style="font-family: times;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></i></b></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b><i><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sometimes, life settled in when you let go </span></i></b> | ... and let God. I was at the lowest point of my life a few times this year. Most of the time, it is because I tried to exert dominance over how it should have gone rather than letting the supreme power handles them. You know, sometimes we forget. Even as we remembered, it is not easy to translate them into action.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b><i><span style="font-family: inherit;">Take everything good you can learn from a person, no matter how bad they are</span></i></b> | When it comes to the moral compass, each person evaluate another person differently. My moral compass and your moral compass might be different. The thin line between those two, perhaps only representing the common sense we always share. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">In 2021, I have learnt that there is always something I can take a credit from and adapt them in my life. It could be their fiery passion, attention to details, or even how they treat their day-to-day life. </p><p style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><i>Shift your position once in a while even though you are looking at the same thing</i></b></span> | Looking at things from different angle let us understand the depth of that particular thing. Sometimes, we would feel that some things are unnecessary, however, if you look at them again - it will help you understand more.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b><i><span style="font-family: inherit;">Be good to people even if they throw shit at you</span></i></b> | Honestly, I just do not want to waste my time entertaining shit :) And the only thing I would usually do is just - ignore them. <i>Aku ni terlalu banyak dosa untuk tambah dosa</i> by being bad to people. Lol.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">One thing I keep in mind: I can handle dissapointment, but regret is not something I want to deal with. So, be good even if it is only to make <i>yourself </i>feel good.</p><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiiJFHxIf8HUkskapsiMhgLyKn78AKX-8YyCiOEDqiKdsUWy-_zVpgP1dauugnLeG0MCqw1UU4evZyuxqasdUE6eJzMLwmmUoSB3AMyBFYc19cf7dQcp6eU3kDrQn7UxOUFx02jZhOjy9Jak31iDb8RsZHCotbebU6TfJwDYBmOKbZSv8bCCf9d4dQUXw=s16000" /><br /><p style="text-align: justify;"><i><b>You can be horrible at things you love</b></i> | I do not know who creates the rule that you have to excel at things that you love. I can still get a C+ for a subject that I love, and A+ at subject that I hate. And the feeling will remain that way.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">You do not have to feel bad either way. But always--always strive for the best.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">In 2021, I discover that corporate writing might not be for me, though I love writing. It takes time to learn, and I still finding difficulties to work around it. But now that I left for good, I might take a class or something to properly learn about them.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><i>Now, now, do I have a commitment issue then? Lol.</i></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b><i>Life is better with friends</i></b> | I do not how to keep ties with people. But luckily, I met a number of people that willing to go extra miles contacting me once in awhile asking me how my first day at work, how am I in general, reminding me that I should not stress too much and take care of my back. You know, <i>stuff</i>.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">My closest friends know how bad I am when it comes to contacting them. I usually will just update my Instagram/WhatsApp stories to let them know I am still alive and going through life lol. Bet they did not know that :') I find contacting and updating them one by one can be awkward. Why would you update your life to people personally? <i>I know</i>. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">It has always been something kicking in my mind - how am I supposed to do this? Coz whenever I unconsciously told them about what I have been doing for awhile, my friends would be - <i>"Eh sampai hati takbagitahu?" / "Eh bila masa kau XX?"</i>. Finding the line between wanting to let them know, and not oversharing is just difficult for me =.=' At last, I just do whatever I feel like. <i>Penat nak</i> read too much into the picture.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b><i>You do you</i></b> | Be good at things you want. Reject shit if you feel like not entertaining them. Do whatever that <i>(you think)</i> will help boosting your morale. Be damn good so that no one have the audacity to questions your work but consider criticism given by others.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">---</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Anyway, 2021 is a lot for me to take. But I am grateful for everything that comes and goes. I hope I will have the chance to embrace myself better in 2022 and achieve more. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">May Allah ease everything for us.</p>faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-80499000857211390222021-09-16T20:05:00.002+08:002021-09-16T20:05:16.030+08:00081: What morning feels like, Midnight?<p style="text-align: justify;"></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1586192890319-858fcc72e1b3?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1534&q=80" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="533" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1586192890319-858fcc72e1b3?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1534&q=80" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@malcoo?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Tomáš Malík</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></td></tr></tbody></table><p style="text-align: justify;"><i>I find it weird. The fact that as I am getting older, many things scared me out compared to when I was still a child. Does the idea of being responsible somehow repressed my courage from doing whatever I want in this world? I do wonder, and <b>will </b>always will, I figured. </i></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><i>There are times when I wake up in the morning; right after I open my eyes - I would think about what am I going to do with my life? This constant questioning often then being brush-off or repress due to the number of works I have to deal with from day to day.</i></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><i><span style="font-family: times; font-size: x-large;"><b>Is this something that a normal adult would feel every single day?</b></span></i></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><i>I hate having to deal with the repercussion of something that could happen in the future. Heck, it did not even happen yet, but the continuous doubts and overthinking kills my desire to do something beyond whatever I had.</i></p><p style="text-align: justify;">... was the thought I had been keeping since last year. I wrote the above part last month, but could not able to finish the write-ups. Alhamdulillah though, I have been in a much calmer state since last week and I no longer feel as if my world had become meaningless (no goals in life). The past 3 months had been so hard for me, last month especially because I was at the peak of my devastation.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">It burst obviously. I had enough to one point. I got sick too. But, luckily I managed to pop the bubble and step into the world, again. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Now, I know for sure there are little things I want to achieve next year. I am very much looking forward to it. In order for me to achieve those things, I need to work hard starting from this year. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I no longer feel that lonely too, now that I occupied myself with webinars, podcasts, books and academic stuff that I left back in March. I picked up writing again. The main reason I left this blog for a long time, not because I am so busy with work-stuff - but because I lost the confidence to write. I have come to the point where I hate writing. I do not want to write. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I just don't write anymore. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I know, there is one entry in this blog where I mentioned that even if I'm no longer here - it's not because I hate writing :') Welp, it just happened. I hate<b>D</b> writing and the only writing I did during that threshold was texting my friends and pretty much only work-related stuff. I do not even update my social media that much tsk tsk.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">But as I picked up myself again, here I am. It started with a simple LinkedIn posting I made as a response to a TedTalk video that randomly appeared on my LinkedIn's homepage. A strong urge to get <i>Hiduplah Untuk Hari Ini</i> by Muhammad Al Ghazali and <i>Don’t Worry, Allah Lebih Tahu Yang Terbaik</i> by Miftahul Asror Malik further push myself to get back to writing.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Things will get into their place again :)</p><p style="text-align: justify;">May Allah ease our journey. </p>faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-58375681403062069942021-06-30T01:53:00.006+08:002021-06-30T01:53:59.462+08:00Rants | My dear, please be happy<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kZmsr5XZQVs/YNtJAhucZII/AAAAAAAAOZE/Jwv6j3378akP1oKlVj8ZoTffrnWwTmtPgCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/logan-weaver-LHDQawgNS_I-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1365" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kZmsr5XZQVs/YNtJAhucZII/AAAAAAAAOZE/Jwv6j3378akP1oKlVj8ZoTffrnWwTmtPgCLcBGAsYHQ/s16000/logan-weaver-LHDQawgNS_I-unsplash.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@lgnwvr?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">LOGAN WEAVER</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></td></tr></tbody></table><div>When I was 17, a friend in PLKN asked me during this one casual conversation:<br /><br /><i><span style="font-family: times; font-size: x-large;"><b>"What do you want the most in life? </b></span></i></div><div><i><span style="font-family: times; font-size: x-large;"><b>What is your end goal in life?"<br /></b></span></i><br />I was taken aback for a moment. I know what I wanted to do. My 17 years old self was pretty sure that she's going to take medicine and end up as a psychiatrist. It was her dream ever since 13 years old. I mean, we all mostly had that one thing we always want to pursue in life. I think I was pretty ambitious back then - I wonder where is she now? </div><div><br /></div><div><i>Lol</i>.</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, it took me quite some time to finally said:</div><div><br /></div><div>"Eternal happiness. I want eternal happiness."</div><div><br /></div><div>I was influenced by HLOVATE's books during my late teens actually. <i>Contengan Jalanan</i> mentioned wanting an 'Eternal happiness' and I was like -<i> I want that too</i>. Yet, I was clueless about what and how 'eternal happiness' should look like. At that time, (again) I pretty sure 'eternal happiness' is attained through <i>'amr makruf nahi mungkar </i>(<i>enjoining good, forbidding bad</i>).</div><div><br /></div><div>That is one way, for sure. Because acknowledging that the guideline provided by Almighty Allah SWT is the best way to conduct our life would lead us towards him.</div><div><br /></div><div>Still, knowing the way and realizing the real meaning of 'eternal' and 'happiness' itself seems like a blurry idea for me. Talking about how easy it was to mention something without actually knowing what meaning does it carries. The weight of a word that is common to our ear yet remained ambiguous in meaning.</div><div><br /></div><div>Every human is an anomaly to any other human if that makes sense. We had our own story. Our own struggles. We struggle to the point we see the world as gray and bleak. Hence, the reason we are <b><i>human </i></b>- not an angel. Our constant struggle does not mean that we don't deserve happiness, <i>no</i>?</div><div><br /></div><div><b><i><span style="font-family: times; font-size: x-large;">How should we construct the definition of 'eternal happiness'?</span></i></b></div><div><br /></div><div>I still wonder, though. </div><div><br /></div><div>The wave of emotions I had whenever I am able to do something that I love - be it translating, reading, learning, and finding something I can grow my passion on them - that is happiness for me. I am enjoying every bit of happiness I can squeeze from this world. To deconstruct the phrase 'eternal happiness', perhaps it is not even something that can even be achieved in this world. <i>Don't you think so</i>?</div><div><br /></div><div><i>Eternal </i>had this 'everlasting' connotation. Something that is continuously happening, isn't it? Is it fair to hope for something that is everlasting when the world itself not?</div><div><br /></div><div>There is happiness in this world. The pauses, either short or long, should not be treated as if we would never find a way out. It's tiring, I know. But, turbulences are sweet catastrophes designed to make us stronger. No matter how many times we refused to accept it, but there is truth in that. </div><div><br /></div><div>We can still work on that 'eternal' part in this world, hoping it will bring us to a good place :) </div><div><i>Allah has guided us. </i></div><div><br /></div><div>I will always pray that each of us will be granted not only every bit of happiness but also 'eternal happiness'.</div><div><br /></div><div><i>My dear, please be happy :)</i></div><div> </div>faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-68516968301025305132021-05-08T14:59:00.005+08:002021-05-08T14:59:38.069+08:00080: ephemerality of life<div>My last post was in March, now - we are hitting May. Is it a good sign that I am not here as frequent as I expected I would back in March's entries? Lol. There's nothing much happening in my life. Similar to other IIUM's degree graduates, I too received a similar conditional offer into Master's program under IIUM - but I don't think I am up to the game, <i>for now</i>. </div><div><br /></div><div>I have three possible routes due to my specialization during undergraduate studies. It's enough to say that to pick only one among those three, I just cannot - just yet :') Dahlah masih miskin wkwkwkw gitu sis.</div><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1518347277-608c4772eb40?ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&ixlib=rb-1.2.1&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1576&q=80" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="601" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1518347277-608c4772eb40?ixid=MnwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHx8&ixlib=rb-1.2.1&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1576&q=80" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@martenbjork?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Marten Bjork</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/window?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></td></tr></tbody></table><div>For now, I am volunteering instead of looking for a permanent job. There's nothing much I can say because it has only been a week. At first, I was pretty anxious because it has been a while since I last met people, especially a big crowd. But, <i>Alhamdulillah</i> - Allah grants me with the blessings of having good companions and colleagues. </div></div><div><br /></div><div><i>I am still the same old me, I guess</i>. I used to have trouble sleeping at night for the first few months after graduating. Probably because of the horrible sleeping schedules I had during my study period. Nowadays, by 11 at night, I am already half-asleep lol. Not to forget, how few spritz of perfume before sleeping really helps me drift into dreamland lol. Now that I have something to do in the morning, as I need to get to the volunteering venue by 7.30 am, I tried to fit in the normal sleeping schedule :') Tapi selalunya dekat sana taksempat mengantuk pun sebab people keeps on coming and my job scope requires me to be alert all the time :')</div><div><br /></div><div><i>I am still the same old me, I guess</i>. I still love coffee though I no longer drink 3-in-1 coffee lol. 3-in-1 coffee turns me into a sugar addict lol though it is enjoyable :) I make my own coffee now as I can easily limit the amount of sugar in my cups. The best reason why my family no longer drinks my coffee as it gets less sweet day to day lol. Other than that, I started to love flavoured tea too - my fav would be from AHMAD Tea hehe.</div><div><br /></div><div><i>I am still the same old me, I guess.</i> My love towards K-artists just gets more intense. I even started collecting albums from a number of my favourites. For instance, DAY's latest album <3 Pure masterpiece I must say! </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://pbs.twimg.com/media/E0xAoYHVUAEfGuo?format=jpg&name=medium" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="800" height="320" src="https://pbs.twimg.com/media/E0xAoYHVUAEfGuo?format=jpg&name=medium" width="320" /></a> <a href="https://pbs.twimg.com/media/E0xAozpVgAEky23?format=jpg&name=medium" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="800" height="320" src="https://pbs.twimg.com/media/E0xAozpVgAEky23?format=jpg&name=medium" width="320" /></a><br /><br /></div><div>Collecting them is among those small-small things that I found rewarding. Imagine going home after such a long dreadful day, and receiving the parcel you bought as a reward for yourself? </div><div><br /></div><div>Phew~</div><div><br /></div><div>I know I can't be around as frequently as I used to, but I wish you guys all the best in life. Ehe.</div><div><br /></div><div>See you in the next entry!</div>faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-79357819843556906862021-03-18T01:49:00.005+08:002021-03-18T01:51:02.692+08:00Simple House Renovation For a More Comfortable Home<div style="text-align: justify;">A simple house renovation for a more comfortable home is way more important than trying to take advantage of the potential sale price. It is a common trend for people to renovate their space as a way of expressing their love and how much they relish their surroundings. Besides, renovating your house will improve its aesthetics and value of the property.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">More people are working from home these days and this makes home renovation and refurbishment key as more people are spending most of their time at home. You can renovate your home office and organize your work settings, thereby improving work efficiency. When it comes to home renovation, there are definitely a myriad of options available.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>Here are some simple house renovation projects you can do to improve your home environment:</i></div><br /><h3 style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://spacereno.com/living-room-renovation/installation/wallpaper/"><span style="font-family: times;">Wallpaper installation service</span></a></h3><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Bots104UlCg/YFI__hre_bI/AAAAAAAAOSI/yZNG7f6d1yUEvbyjQsV49JauxlBYIvwLQCLcBGAsYHQ/feature-wall-wallpaper.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="853" data-original-width="1280" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Bots104UlCg/YFI__hre_bI/AAAAAAAAOSI/yZNG7f6d1yUEvbyjQsV49JauxlBYIvwLQCLcBGAsYHQ/s16000/feature-wall-wallpaper.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Other than just painting your wall with one colour, you can install creative wallpaper that will definitely amaze you. Moreover, wallpaper not only enhances the aesthetics of the wall, and protects the surface of your wall from scratches and stains.</div><br /><h3 style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;">New kitchen cabinets or repair old kitchen cabinet faulty parts </span></h3><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-o48YBJ-IPZ8/YFJALmmjEtI/AAAAAAAAOSM/Ue2GPKuGUDUbdx3OIVeYoWWsULNZpkvOQCLcBGAsYHQ/white-kitchen-cabinets-installation.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="853" data-original-width="1280" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-o48YBJ-IPZ8/YFJALmmjEtI/AAAAAAAAOSM/Ue2GPKuGUDUbdx3OIVeYoWWsULNZpkvOQCLcBGAsYHQ/s16000/white-kitchen-cabinets-installation.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Kitchen is one of the most-used areas of the house. A new kitchen cabinet can help a room look more spacious and airy. If there is something broken, hire a <a href="https://spacereno.com/kitchen-renovation/repair/cabinet/">cabinet repair service</a> to fix the faulty parts even if it is a minor one.</div><br /><h3 style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: times;">Ceiling fan repair service </span></h3><div style="text-align: justify;">Engaging a <a href="https://spacereno.com/living-room-renovation/repair/ceiling-fan/">ceiling fan repair service</a> is a good choice if you do not want to replace the entire fan. In addition, fixing a ceiling fan is fast and affordable. After repairing, the ceiling fan can continue to operate as good as a new one that can help your family stay cool and comfortable in the hot weather.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://spacereno.com/bathroom-renovation/repair/water-heater/"><span style="font-family: times;">Joven water heater repair</span></a></h3>A malfunctioning Panasonic or Alpha water heater can never meet your daily needs which will cause you and your family to live uncomfortably. <br /><br /><h3 style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://spacereno.com/window-installation/"><span style="font-family: times;">New window installation</span></a></h3><div style="text-align: justify;">Windows allows fresh air and sunlight to enter our home. With today’s technology, windows help prevent extreme heat from the sun and reduces the amount of ultraviolet rays entering your house. This can definitely make your living space more cooling.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Some may think that these little projects are not so important to the overall appearance of the house, but try it, they really do make a difference to both the appearance and comfort of the overall house.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Hire yourself a <a href="https://spacereno.com/reliable-renovation-contractor/">reliable renovation contractor in Kuala Lumpur</a> or Selangor to provide some useful advice according to your requirements.</div>faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-72508548070058922712021-03-09T03:24:00.003+08:002021-03-09T03:24:38.420+08:00iShare | 3 Streaming Platforms for K-Drama/C-Drama/TW-Drama Enthusiast to escape from Illegal sites<div style="text-align: justify;">There is one habit I<b> tried to change since last year. </b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">It started with stopping myself from reading/downloading books from illegal sites, followed by holding myself from downloading any songs since <i>three </i>years ago. When I realized the damage I might have incurred towards the creators, I think the least I could do is to try legally consuming them or just forget about it (unless I really need it, but is stuck with issues - commonly related to textbooks tsk). </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">But when it comes to drama and movies, I just find myself could not adhere to that principle. Yet, I am determined to change that last year. Same rules - consume it legally or just <b><i>don't</i></b>. The biggest hurdle for me would be the idea of having to spend extra on more streaming platforms. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>What if I told you, that is not always the case? </i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">In this post, I am going to share 3 websites/application that can be used especially for Malaysian to gain access to drama/movies/contents legally? + Series recommendation you can check while you are at it lol.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><h1 style="text-align: justify;"><b><span style="font-family: times;">#1 Viu</span></b></h1><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4uh2WQcWieo/YEZmGfpxV7I/AAAAAAAAOPY/L9rHSKRUrKAFQHW_zjK-VNKpvenvu-eLACLcBGAsYHQ/s1366/Screenshot%2B%252850%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="1366" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4uh2WQcWieo/YEZmGfpxV7I/AAAAAAAAOPY/L9rHSKRUrKAFQHW_zjK-VNKpvenvu-eLACLcBGAsYHQ/s16000/Screenshot%2B%252850%2529.png" /></a></div><div><br /></div>Viu is the first streaming platform I tried. I do not start with Netflix because I am more into Korean drama and their variety shows. For someone who keeps tracks of shows such as <a href="https://www.viu.com/ott/my/ms/all/playlist-2_days_1_night_season_4_2021-playlist-26270679" target="_blank">2 Days 1 Night</a>, Omniscient Interference View (The Manager) and Return of Superman - I found this platform is very fulfilling. <div><br /></div><div>I did use Viu before (like years ago) and I remembered how dissatisfied I am with the collections. However, my experience using it since last year - the collection is just good that I prefer lepak at Viu rather than Netflix most of the times lol.</div><div><div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ETO48G5lcFc/YEZmGBAAgBI/AAAAAAAAOPU/hjE4q6lFZGcN4vzfWLvFpSZdN2UzL_2_wCLcBGAsYHQ/s1366/Screenshot%2B%252851%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="1366" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ETO48G5lcFc/YEZmGBAAgBI/AAAAAAAAOPU/hjE4q6lFZGcN4vzfWLvFpSZdN2UzL_2_wCLcBGAsYHQ/s16000/Screenshot%2B%252851%2529.png" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><i>Verdict</i></b>: </div></div></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><ul><li>You can either use it as a <b>premium user or not</b>.</li><li>It can be used for <b>5 devices</b>, and the history/watchlist would only remain in that device - not shared. As for me, I shared a premium account with my friend. So, RM48/2 = RM24 for 6 months lol. (Please sign up with an email address instead if you choose to share to avoid complicates matters lol #BeenThere)</li><li>Latest drama and weekly updates for variety shows. They have expanding contents not only from Korea and Japan, but also from SEA countries and they are pretty good.</li><li>Available on web and mobile (application).</li></ul><div><b><i>Series Recommendation:</i></b></div><div><ol><li><a href="https://www.viu.com/ott/my/ms/all/playlist-the_bridge-playlist-25811562" target="_blank">The Bridge (Season 1 & Season 2)</a> - If you are into crime, this Malaysia-Singapore-Indonesia series is da bomb, I am mindblown with this one.</li><li><a href="https://www.viu.com/ott/my/ms/all/playlist-true_beauty-playlist-26270522">True Beauty</a> - I am so grateful for this!</li><li><a href="https://www.viu.com/ott/my/ms/all/playlist-the_penthouse-playlist-26270741" target="_blank">Penthouse</a> - This is pretty popular right now, might as well catch the train!</li></ol><h1><span style="font-family: times;">#2 iQiyi</span></h1></div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-p_y2rrDdQ-s/YEZs9486VMI/AAAAAAAAOPo/QXAVAelZw_cl7IUWYB4nEFz7J1V5AM3ZgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1366/Screenshot%2B%252852%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="1366" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-p_y2rrDdQ-s/YEZs9486VMI/AAAAAAAAOPo/QXAVAelZw_cl7IUWYB4nEFz7J1V5AM3ZgCLcBGAsYHQ/s16000/Screenshot%2B%252852%2529.png" /></a></div><br /><div>I use iQiyi to follow Chinese/Taiwanese drama actually hehe. But most of its contents now are Korean drama. They are pretty good in the sense of how they seem to secure on-going airing drama faster compared to Viu lol. For instance, we have She Would Never Know (Senior, Don't Put On That Lipstick), How To Be Thirty and L.U.C.A. Prior to this, we have 18 Again and Live On.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-N4DgEJr_OiU/YEZw4zjx91I/AAAAAAAAOPw/8FQYWWHWzEs8Vu2AjsR7ChKXyBpBcsl2wCLcBGAsYHQ/s1366/Screenshot%2B%252853%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="1366" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-N4DgEJr_OiU/YEZw4zjx91I/AAAAAAAAOPw/8FQYWWHWzEs8Vu2AjsR7ChKXyBpBcsl2wCLcBGAsYHQ/s16000/Screenshot%2B%252853%2529.png" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><b><i>Verdicts:</i></b></div><div><ul><li>Even without VIP, the app is comfortable to be used (no repetitive ads popping lol).</li><li>Available on web and mobile (application) - I have to address how smooth the navigation on the app lol.</li><li>I did try the VIP once, and the experience makes me crave for it lol. Definitely better display (VIP offers up to 1080p while non-VIP until 720p) and definitely better sound system.</li><li>Advance viewing for VIP users, lol kalau bukan, tunggu jelah wkwkwkw. For me, personally, I do not have trouble with this since I have a lot of on-going drama lol.</li></ul><div><b><i>Series Recommendation:</i></b></div></div><div><ol><li><a href="https://www.iq.com/play/1udb7v50bt5?frmrp=home&frmb=R:24282491112&frmrs=1" target="_blank">She Would Never Know</a> - Rowoon for life lol!</li><li><a href="https://www.iq.com/play/yjmp3f0mnp?frmrp=home&frmb=R:30504283312&frmrs=22" target="_blank">18 Again</a> - GEM! Everyone should watch this and let us cry together.</li><li><a href="https://www.iq.com/play/270u52uh8yh?frmrp=home&frmb=R:19518614112&frmrs=0" target="_blank">Youth With You Season 3</a> - This is a reality show for China's budding artists looking forward to debut similar to PD101. BLACKPINK's Lisa, anyone?</li></ol><h1><span style="font-family: times;">#3 WeTV</span></h1></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bf84Ps8Jmko/YEZyxUiR0SI/AAAAAAAAOP4/O4yff03QR5kItj-yqqWH3-HY7i7z177JACLcBGAsYHQ/s1366/Screenshot%2B%252854%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="1366" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bf84Ps8Jmko/YEZyxUiR0SI/AAAAAAAAOP4/O4yff03QR5kItj-yqqWH3-HY7i7z177JACLcBGAsYHQ/s16000/Screenshot%2B%252854%2529.png" /></a></div><br /><div>Similar to iQiyi, I use this to catch up with Chinese/Taiwanese drama. They do have quite a selection when it comes to those two dramas compared to Korean drama. WeTV is quite nice as they brought in a number of series that would only available on their platform.</div><div><br /></div><div><b><i>Verdicts:</i></b></div><div><ul><li>I am using this platform as non-VIP too, and it is comfortable to be used without purchasing the VIP pass lol.</li><li>Available on the web and mobile (application) too!</li><li>Wider range for Chinese/Taiwanese dramas compared to the other two!</li></ul><div><br /></div></div><div><b><i>Series Recommendations:</i></b></div><div><ol><li><a href="https://wetv.vip/en/play/7ru8ssua8824ncs" target="_blank">Le Coup de Foudre</a> - PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WATCH THIS! I cried a bucket because of this drama and it is a drama I always watch over and over again. It is based on the writer's true story.</li><li><a href="https://wetv.vip/en/play/jukveppjryfrz4p" target="_blank">Unrequited Love</a> (2021) - I am a huge lover of Unrequited Love (2019) so I am waiting for the remake lol. 2019 captures the feeling of unrequited love better, but the 2021 version closed the loop in a good way too :')</li><li><a href="https://wetv.vip/en/play/if9a67aohhr5cpj" target="_blank">My Lecturer My Husband</a> - lol Reza Rahadian XD</li><li><a href="https://wetv.vip/en/play/4cpllzcg2i3hn1a" target="_blank">Put Your Head On My Shoulder</a> - SUPER CUTE AND IDK JUST CUTE!</li></ol><div>--------------------------</div><div><br /></div><div>I only used VIU as a premium user, the other two I decided I can handle them without subscribing to VIP pass lol. I use VIU mainly for watching variety shows, while iQiyi and WeTV for dramas unless VIU brings certain on-going drama like Mr Queen and True Beauty last month XD</div><h1><span style="font-family: times;">Have you tried any of these platforms?</span></h1></div></div>faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-39670097710815712402021-03-09T01:27:00.002+08:002021-03-09T01:27:20.630+08:00Rants | Home, finally <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wZmOpAGSfyo/YEZOlWbdwWI/AAAAAAAAOPM/4b0sULoVGWwvJ8Q2Mhp_gw-cSQUzsu2OgCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/IMG_20210201_183308.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wZmOpAGSfyo/YEZOlWbdwWI/AAAAAAAAOPM/4b0sULoVGWwvJ8Q2Mhp_gw-cSQUzsu2OgCLcBGAsYHQ/s16000/IMG_20210201_183308.jpg" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">If I have to be honest, I do not know what am I going to do with my life at this point. <i>Yep, that is how we are going to start this post</i>. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div><div style="text-align: justify;">I (finally) am home, back in Kelantan after a freaking 6 months being away from Nasi Kerabu and Akok lol. Noticed how beautiful my birth date this year -<b> 4/3/21</b>? Hehe #Tiber I celebrated my birthday with a cup of iced caramel latte and a slice of burnt basque cheesecake from HS Cafe while dropping a few parcels at the Pos Laju office a day before I went home. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">It is nice, <i>being </i>at home. </div></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I am taking a month off from thinking about applying for a job. I just want to have a proper rest. Thinking about finding a job makes my blood pressure jolts lol if it makes sense.I have a few pending applications after all. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><h1><span style="font-family: times; font-size: x-large;"><i>"There is nothing on the floor to look at<br />Raise your head up"</i></span></h1><div><i>- Dear Diary: 2016.07.29, ATEEZ</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div></div><div style="text-align: justify;">On the bright side, I am *thinking* of signing up for courses with credentials/certificates such as this '<a href="https://www.itbm.com.my/kursus/kursus-penterjemahan-am-intensif-29-mac-9-apr-2021" target="_blank">Kursus Penterjemahan Am (Intensif)</a>' offered by Institut Terjemahan & Buku Malaysia (ITBM). It's hella expensive for someone who still did not know either she is going to jump into translation's world or not lol. Completing the course within 10 sessions on top of having to sit for an exam scares me the most. Anyway, it's great to have additional certificate related to our studies, other than the knowledge that comes along with our degree/diploma :)</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://memegenerator.net/img/instances/55363962.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" src="https://memegenerator.net/img/instances/55363962.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The new semester at my university had started on 1 March. It is the main reason why I decided to return home <i>ehe </i>it makes me feel uncomfortable. It does feel weird, after such a long time spending time on studies and then suddenly - no more official studies/classes lol. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><i>How did you (/would you) adapt to the transition though? I never thought it would be great deal until I am stuck in this position lol. </i></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><i><br /></i></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;">It's good to be here, stay safe guys!</div>faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-72925442446870371862021-02-07T20:08:00.001+08:002021-02-07T20:09:02.838+08:00079: things I have been doing<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1566146991394-b09a95e80d17?ixid=MXwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHw%3D&ixlib=rb-1.2.1&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1500&q=80" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1566146991394-b09a95e80d17?ixid=MXwxMjA3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHw%3D&ixlib=rb-1.2.1&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1500&q=80" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/PflhlrORvx0" target="_blank">Kristine Cinate</a></td></tr></tbody></table>Assalammualaikum.<br /><br />Welp, it has been a while - and I have the audacity to come back lol. I was busy with school works that I barely got time to even breath lol. Anyhow, here I am after a few months - unofficially graduated from IIUM. Pretty anxious I would say because last semester really got me by the throat, especially one of the subjects. <div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>Life has been crazy.</b> Plans <i>arranged</i>; some doing pretty well, a lot got cancelled. But it is life, and to breathe and still feel alive despite the occasional 'emptiness' and hollows in between - it goes on :) </div><div><br /></div><div>I have so many things I wanna do by the time I graduated. I wanna draw more. I wanna learn doing digital illustration. I even got myself a drawing tablet! Hehehe. I want to continue learning another language - perhaps Korean or Dutch/German. But I end up not feeling doing it anymore.</div><div><br /></div><div>The audacity. <i>I know</i>~</div><div><br /></div><div><div>It has been three weeks since I last submitted my final assessment. I spent the first few days <i>resting</i>. Hahaha. I sleep, I watch drama and movies, I read novels. By the fifth days, I'm already bored. I applied for a few jobs, got called for an interview and accepted on the same day because it is immediate hiring. Yet, I decided to reject the offer due to personal reasons (I talked about rejecting the offer with the interviewee as he proposed it to me first in case I am not satisfied with the workload actually) - not kidding, I would love to work there. I know I am going to have fun in that company doing things I love. </div></div><div><br /></div><div><i>Adulting calls for hard decisions, apparently.</i></div><div><br /></div><div>I actually send a message to my group of friends saying how exhausted I am living without not knowing what to do. It's like - after graduating, what's next? I don't know what to do - I mean, do we only have those two choices; studying or working? Before this, I can confidently answer - definitely not studying, for now. I need work cause I need money to pay my loan lol. I do not have the luxury to rest and earn no money tsk. But then, these days I keep feeling anxious over not having anything to do. </div><div><br /></div><div>I had friends asking help for me to review their materials for a job interview - and despite having no problems helping them, it gets me anxious.</div><div><br /></div><div><div>Of being jobless. </div><div>Of competition some more. </div></div><div><br /></div><div>So, after thinking - I finally decided to do what I do best; focus on my own self-growth. LinkedIn is not good for my mental health, same goes to social media - I end up using my stan account on Twitter and studygram more because it helps me a lot. From stan account, I managed to make a number of friends with strangers that do not only share the same love towards music, but also emotional support and tips dealing with adulthood lol #UNIVERSE #ALICE #GOLDENNESS haha.</div><div><br /></div><div>For now, I'm thinking of using my studygram for language studies and bujo-ing purpose. I will be here more frequent too cause I need to keep writing in case I forgot how exciting sharing my thoughts to people are! Let's pray for better content XD</div><div><br /></div><div>And that's all for now.</div><div><br /></div><div>Let's hope things will get better, for us!</div>faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-44495136700881635222020-10-31T12:46:00.005+08:002020-10-31T12:46:35.055+08:00078: I Hear Your Voice<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0q7wMVjm0i4/X5zNQpXORkI/AAAAAAAANY4/9G105f1Wm1YbPyoqtzJKxJwP43dhbiYhACLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/pure-julia-riB77IbfYuQ-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1638" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0q7wMVjm0i4/X5zNQpXORkI/AAAAAAAANY4/9G105f1Wm1YbPyoqtzJKxJwP43dhbiYhACLcBGAsYHQ/s16000/pure-julia-riB77IbfYuQ-unsplash.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@purejulia?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">pure julia</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></td></tr></tbody></table>How often do we actually listen to ourself, I wonder?<div><i>Do we?</i></div><div>Especially when it comes to a desperate red alert?</div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: right;"><i><span style="color: #eeeeee;">"Chill, you are going to be in trouble."</span></i></div><div style="text-align: right;"><i><span style="color: #eeeeee;">"Take a deep breath, you got this."</span></i></div><div style="text-align: right;"><i><span style="color: #eeeeee;">"Just sleep. Go to sleep."</span></i></div><div><span style="color: #cccccc;"><i><br /></i></span></div><div>I have been getting myself into the same circle that got in me trouble for the first two weeks of the semester. Of course, I think it is important to get your mental health in check. But it is easier to say this to someone rather than to my ownself. <span style="color: #eeeeee;">The irony</span>. I can feel like I am getting into that slump again. I feel like I am getting that unnecessary stress again. The <i>negative </i>stress.</div><div><br /></div><div>I keep having migraine. Acnes, more and more pop-up. Craving for sweet things. Feeling anxious over all the works I have to get done. I get easily pissed-off. I laugh but I don't feel like I am genuinely happy? </div><div><br /></div><div>My roomate was like - "<i>Fatin awal-awal dahbanyak assignment.</i>" because she has been seeing me sitting on my work desk all day. And that makes me think a lot. Like, am I pushing myself (too hard) again? After I look at all the dues I have (which is like in December mostly), I sighed. I always have trouble with wanting to be ahead everything, to feel in control over my works that it exceed my mental capacity to handle things.</div><div><br /></div><div><i>We do that sometimes you know.</i></div><div><br /></div><div>So, for the past few days. I have been chilling a little bit. I go for a walk around my uni with le friends (Yas, together we stuck in the uni XD) I just realized how walking even around my mahallah, makes me feel at ease. I bought few things to treat myself :') I rarely rewards myself (so uhm I actually bought an album because I deserved having PENTAGON's WE:TH Album lol) I eat things I want but keeping it on ratio because I wanted to lose some more weights (too many weddings next year >,<) Ah, I already at that age where I have to attend weddings of my closest pals.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://64.media.tumblr.com/970123d29ed5d64837b4ea2ce99cb2a3/b7b96f91d4be6e8f-c8/s400x600/92651f94c30dc53a0af581a86a046ac0c4c4117f.gifv" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="400" src="https://64.media.tumblr.com/970123d29ed5d64837b4ea2ce99cb2a3/b7b96f91d4be6e8f-c8/s400x600/92651f94c30dc53a0af581a86a046ac0c4c4117f.gifv" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://64.media.tumblr.com/b2fa34850728dd321b028b5c022afc1e/b7b96f91d4be6e8f-7c/s400x600/e531a35e6df87d0ac83c79437c574b6e3b65b401.gifv" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="400" src="https://64.media.tumblr.com/b2fa34850728dd321b028b5c022afc1e/b7b96f91d4be6e8f-7c/s400x600/e531a35e6df87d0ac83c79437c574b6e3b65b401.gifv" /></a></div><div>At the end of the day, always listen to yourself. Work hard but never be too hard on ourself :) </div><div><i>Listen</i>.</div>faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-69575358444522026312020-09-30T15:54:00.004+08:002020-09-30T15:54:58.567+08:00Case 7 | mind-numbing conversations<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1365" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Id1kDZMKrVk/X3QToElxaGI/AAAAAAAANOA/Ufxz-5HhTMsa1rK0-Ec04LZO7gpWypeSwCLcBGAsYHQ/s16000/adam-neumann-vTu1f4PDUuo-unsplash.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@adamneumann?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Adam Neumann</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></td></tr></tbody></table><div><div><i><b><span style="font-family: times; font-size: x-large;">... of 'Are you going to get a job after graduating?'<br /></span></b></i><br /></div><div>I will, of course. But I do not know how long would it takes for me to secure a placement. Life is hard, gotta do whatever it takes to live - <i>waiting </i>included. It can be quite tiring to reassure people that we can do something with our degree though we are not from the commonly known/highly-wanted courses. Especially <i>parents</i>. I guess, what they wanted to know is that their children did not just waste their 4 years in the university without no reassuring life after graduation. </div><div><br /></div><div>They wanted to feel the ease that their children would not end up at the roadside. <i>I understand that</i>. Reacting and giving response to that would usually cause the trouble(s) though. My mom did not mind that much actually - of course, she has a certain set of expectation towards her first daughter but meh just like me, she is a huge propagator that ones should do whatever they want in life. Nowadays, I tried to list things that I am capable of doing. </div><div><br /></div><div>I end up having a list of things I hate doing lol. </div><div><br /></div><div><i>Well, that is a start for now. </i>I have friends who wanted to do course-related jobs like transcribing, translating and content-writing. I have seniors who are working in banking and marketing sectors - <b>yes</b>, with an English degree. We never know. Rezeki is somewhere we know not, after all.</div><div><br /></div><div>Recently, I read something about <i>Tawakkul. </i>It said <i>tawakkul </i>is not a passive verbal characteristic to which is usually associated with. It is an <b><i>active </i></b>action where people need to execute their effort to the fullest before putting trust to Allah SWT.</div><div><br /></div><div><i><b><span style="font-family: times; font-size: x-large;">... of 'When are you going to get someone special in life?'</span></b></i></div><div><br /></div><div>'Tis the question I would let fate drag me into the flow. What I know for now is I am not ready at all. The idea of having someone into my life makes me uncomfortable. Sure, I can have a crush on someone but it will come crashing down because my world feels better without such troubles. I would just shove people's question with 'Nah, I'm not getting married.' and that will save me for a while lol (after two minutes lecture of how I should not be wishing that way of course)</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://i.imgflip.com/17odil.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="500" src="https://i.imgflip.com/17odil.jpg" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>These days, I keep thinking about someone. Been weeks if I have to be frank. Known him for years, were insignificantly involved with him for the past three years - thus I would always describe us as a mere acquaintance. His actions and tiny gestures just keep flashing inside my mind though it was months ago. And he is someone that treats people that way no matter who. But then again, I don't think I am compatible with him. I have a complicated life that I am not ready to let someone in, just yet. </div><div><br /></div><div><i>Let me be alone now will ya?</i></div><div><br /></div><div>[ps: I wanted to delete this part because it feels weird talking about such deep feelings but <i>nah</i>.]</div><div><br /></div><div><b><i><span style="font-family: times; font-size: x-large;">... of 'Are you not going to talk about how I am making a wrong decision here?'</span></i></b></div><div><br /></div><div>I am trying to reflect over what has gone wrong here. I do not know either people are just scared of me or what. But ya know, I would not mind at all if people having a go at me whenever I tried to do something that would cause trouble to my future self.</div></div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://media.makeameme.org/created/when-we-keep-50cafb09b9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="337" data-original-width="600" src="https://media.makeameme.org/created/when-we-keep-50cafb09b9.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div>That's it. That's the post for this week :') </div><div>I just need to write this off my mind lol.</div>faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-25457796148089082702020-09-16T00:22:00.003+08:002020-09-16T01:09:47.083+08:00Review | W.H.Y: What Happened To Your Relationship<p><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="580" src="https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DyEed1oVsAAFWOH.jpg:large" style="text-align: center;" /><br /></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><div></div><blockquote><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: times;">"</span>You still don't know why she dumped you? </i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>A 20-year-old who got dumped on 100th day anniversary.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>How can she dump a guy like him?! TT</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Anyone wants to join my trip to Jeju island?! </i></div></blockquote><div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" class="BLOG_video_class" height="393" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/6KHQaxQtofE" width="599" youtube-src-id="6KHQaxQtofE"></iframe></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: right;">(Source: Playlist Studio)</div><div style="text-align: right;">Drama: WHY</div><div style="text-align: right;">Country: South Korea</div><div style="text-align: right;">Episodes: 10</div><div style="text-align: right;">Aired: Nov 10, 2018 - Dec 13, 2018</div><div><br /></div></div><div style="text-align: justify;">It feels like years since I last make a review on web drama from Playlist Global. I am a big fan of them ever since they started their journey with Love Playlist from <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3tRkt-L4jw&list=PLS--ClexQbQ1lg6TttQTcE3a60T_noSnh" target="_blank">Season 1</a> until <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQMb24Q_rzA&list=PLS--ClexQbQ3xT4FNUaz5XQCzdgvKhd3a" target="_blank">Season 4</a>. It has been a while too since I last watched any of their web drama, I do not even watch A-TEEN which literally lifted Playlist Global more into the scene. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Let's move on to the review anyhow ~</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Lol.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>W.H.Y: What Happened To Your Relationship</i> is a web drama that I would describe as a story centralized around the idea of coming into term with our past relationship. It is a story that deals with break-ups, friendship and self-love. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The plot started with the depressive Cha Yeon Woo who had been dealing (<b>terribly</b>) with his break-up. He broke up with his ex-girlfriend who he had known for 4 years right on their 100th day anniversary - without reason. For the past three months, he had been struggling with his daily life because he never knew the reason for their break-up and keep blaming himself for it. For the past three months too, his friends, Seul-Gi and Jae-Young, have always stuck around him. Together, they embark into a trip to cheer their friend up :)</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: x-large;"><i><b>Because I can't yet imagine</b></i></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: x-large;"><i><b>the day I'll throw everything </b></i></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: x-large;"><i><b>away</b></i></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: x-large;"><i><b>with my own hands.</b></i></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Yeon Woo, Episode 3.</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">One thing I particularly like about Playlist Global is their ability to produce pieces with themes that resonate and pester to people. Lol, I literally used the word pester jyeah. I never experience such break-up <strike><i>(no, we are not going to consider that one painful emotional break-up with my crush that probably did not even know my existence)</i></strike> but the whole story managed to pound my heart. I mean, you would understand if you look at how heartbroken Yeon Woo is. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">At first, I thought Yeon Woo had probably done something that makes her ex-girlfriend who promised to love him longer, only to break that promise by the night time. To be left - so sudden and without reason, makes him fall into self-guilt's <i>hollow</i>. <i>He thought he messed up something. Probably the clothes he wears, the anniversary present, or even the way he responded to her on that day</i>.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>He had always thought, it was him who messed up.</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The script, the acting can be quite awkward at time. The balance can be quite off too as W.H.Y appears to stress more on Yeon Woo's personal development and self-growth. Compared to Love Playlist, LP give almost equivalent time for each character to develop themselves. Nevertheless, I love the overall feeling I experienced from this 10 episodes web drama. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">This web drama deals with love, <i>sure</i>. <b>But</b> it did not put a spotlight upon 'getting into a relationship'. I really like the fact that the web drama does not make Yeon Woo suddenly jump into a relationship with Da In, whom he gets to know during the trip. They seem to propagate the idea that healing from a broken relationship should not be equated with the ability to get into a relationship right away. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I, in fact, love that little 'some' moment they had - especially that one when Yeon Woo reading the lines from the novel. Man, I would literally fly right away *heart attack* </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Healing takes times. Not everyone who falls will run right at the moment. Sometimes, it is better to make ourself stand first, dust off the dirt on our knees and clothes, walk properly before getting into running again. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">It is a process.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="304" data-original-width="800" src="https://i.mydramalist.com/g2W0Xf.jpg" /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;"><b><i>Would you like to watch this drama?</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Click <a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLS--ClexQbQ17nRvBjmFsSI86WO3L2tXR" target="_blank">here</a> :)</div>faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-36664141502143263722020-09-10T23:58:00.005+08:002020-09-11T00:08:45.415+08:00520 Giveaway by Garaeki<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://garaeki.blogspot.com/2020/08/520-giveaway-by-garaeki.html" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="206" data-original-width="560" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zIeC4fR1ugs/X0Er2hjP6eI/AAAAAAAAExk/0z8aPaRYdHA7vbqtd03o0EM2v02DtxbCQCLcBGAsYHQ/s16000/GA.png" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Assalammualaikum <3</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">First of all, congratulations to <a href="https://garaeki.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Garaeki</a> (@ Leo) for reaching <b>520 followers</b> (544, as I am writing this)! Celebrating with books some more uWu! Having followers, even one or two, feel like having one load of comrades that would accompany us #NotAlone. I can't wait to have my own giveaway where I can give book for free too XD </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I do wonder if I would ever hit 500 tsk.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="288" data-original-width="650" src="https://audienceops.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/funny-blogging-content-meme.jpg" /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>*cough*</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I have several books in my wish list at the moment lol (no surprise). Currently, I am trying to read more English novels written by Asian writers, specifically, ones from South-East Asian (SEA) region. I have been eyeing books by authors such as Hanna Alkaf, Kevin Kwan and Julya Oui. All of them recently release new works. But, one I have always wanted to read is <b><i>Crazy Rich Asian series</i></b> by Kevin Kwan. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/61hTgN6p8eL.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="800" src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/61hTgN6p8eL.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">I went to watch the movie last year when it first comes out. Man, you can literally see my jaw dropping for every second of the movie :') If the movie can be that beautiful, I wonder how bewitching the novel itself - where we can use our own imagination to paint the image in our mind.</div><br /><i>Tag: Zaa from <a href="http://zxxelra.blogspot.com" target="_blank">La Vie Est Belle </a><br />Instagram: <a href="http://instagram.com/istudy_aya" target="_blank">istudy_aya </a></i><p></p><div>Special mention to Suraya from <a href="https://itsthesuraya.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Surayooo</a> for tagging me :)</div><div><br /></div><div>Best of luck! :D</div>faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-54746295688050243782020-09-09T12:25:00.003+08:002020-09-09T12:40:27.117+08:00077: Decrypting Life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="533" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1597674758836-c1aca6a8a175?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&ixid=eyJhcHBfaWQiOjEyMDd9&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1534&q=80" /></div><span><div style="text-align: center;">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@sstoppo?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Rocco Stoppoloni</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/t/travel?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></div></span><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">They say, our 20s are pretty confusing age. At one point, we feel like we had it figured - not all, but probably a quarter of it. Yet, things take sudden change, the things we had in mind soon crumbled into specks of dust and we no longer know what we want to do. That little thing we hold dearly in our hand, clasped firmly in between our trembling fingers as we tried to move higher to the mountain. Yet we stumbled into a deep forest. Deep forest that does not only attack us with the mist of insecurity but strangely taken away whatever left in our hands too.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I want to live. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><i>I would like to figure things out, even if I had to start all over again though.</i></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">At one point, I think I know what I wanted to do with my degree. I think I finally figured what I wanted to do with my life. What road I am going to take in order to achieve that dream. But, I failed to recognize our road to success does not always appear in straight line. There are branches of road. There are going to take us into the forest, the sea, the city, the people. We stumbled. We might stop - only to take a breath hopefully. Something like the <i>Tomakninah</i> in prayers. But we are not going to stop for eternity, unless the Higher Power decided to take away our soul.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Up until last week, I think I know where I want to go. Crossing the goals I have made in early 2020. The archived one though - like doing internship, which I chose not to right before ending the sem prior to short semester (period for internship) for a peace of my mind end up become a triggering matter for me. Not that much till it literally trigger me, but it bugged me to some extend. I wish I do my internship, yet the leisure I am having to do something I like - attending webinars, watching dramas, studying on my own, reading a lot - stopped me from sighing for a decision I have made (which is, really, not that bad either).</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" src="https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1544716278-ca5e3f4abd8c?ixlib=rb-1.2.1&ixid=eyJhcHBfaWQiOjEyMDd9&auto=format&fit=crop&w=1567&q=80" /></div><span><div style="text-align: center;">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@sincerelymedia?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Sincerely Media</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/book?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></div></span><div><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">I am here to say that - decrypting life seems to be a tough job, for everyone. <i>Though they appear nonchalant about it</i>. We will get there <i><b>someday, somehow</b></i>. Treasure our life. As to live and pursue journey appear to be a form of gift often to be taken for granted. Worrying about the future does not make us a loser (at all). Worry as much as we wanted to, it helps us relieving some unintended stress building from simply living our life (I mean, we get stress even when it comes to choosing what we should eat lol). However, we have to be aware that worrying only would not take us anywhere.</div></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>Do not stop for too long.</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><i><span style="font-family: times; font-size: x-large;">Move.</span></i></b></div>faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-16435532341711850402020-08-23T15:06:00.006+08:002020-08-23T15:06:57.492+08:00076: of catharsis and post-exam apocalypse<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" height="534" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vb7YfDhmmng/X0IDCHYEZsI/AAAAAAAANC8/kTkMuIXaVXo-z-kH2oW5BgLT3umHSYrywCLcBGAsYHQ/w800-h534/lyv-jaan-GhrBhL9kXf4-unsplash.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="800" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@lyvjaan?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Lÿv Jaan</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/cloud?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></td></tr></tbody></table><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Assalammualaikum.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>Well, it's been a while? </i>Lol. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">A number of things have changed since the day I started my ertl (Emergency Remote Teaching & Learning) experience. I thought I can handle it - apparently, I have to admit defeat at certain days...or subject(s) even. Every single day is just a battle. Really, as much as I love doing online classes as it would allow people to be more open and brave in voicing out their opinions - the dimmer part of online learning cannot just be tossed aside.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Moving forward, it has been a week since my final assessment. I finished my exam on Monday and submitted my individual essay on Friday. It has been a week of lazing around, doing nothing other than watching drama on Viu and fangirling on Youtube :) I finished a crime-thriller drama, <a href="https://www.viu.com/ott/my/en/all/playlist-the_bridge_season_2-playlist-26269468" target="_blank">The Bridge Season 2</a>, which is so good (and twisted) I admit! I have ditched Malay drama for so long, forgetting that some of them could provide such a rewarding experience.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I still read Malay novels, and I am not ashamed to admit this. I share similar sentiments with a few of my course-mate who reads Malay novel despite the tendency for people to insult Malay novel (without actually reading them). We just need to find the right book for us as <i>reading is a continuous journey</i>. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I am still recovering from fever and flu - but life has been <b>better</b>. There is so much thing happening around the world at the moment. We probably feel a sense of urgency to know everything. The latest news about COViD-19, the Beirut explosion, UAE being the third Muslims country to have diplomatic ties with Israel, the current (<i>chaotic</i>) political scene in Malaysia or even the heated discussion about Muslims repressive <span style="font-size: calc(var(--rem) * 1px * 1.0625); letter-spacing: 0px;">so-called </span><span style="font-size: calc(var(--rem) * 1px * 1.0625); letter-spacing: 0px;">'representation' on Netflix. (lol all these from Twitter)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">But you know - <i>it is okay to not know every single thing that is happening</i>. It is good to know more about the world, yet - if it would create chaos inside us - it is better to just focus on ourself. Do things that would help ourself, the time would come where it would become beneficial to society. The time would come when we suddenly feel like reading about them, we know ourself better isn't? Loud and clear.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: times; font-size: xx-large;"><b><i>What is my plan for the next 8 weeks?</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I intend to write more. You can expect a weekly update ehe because I miss writing so much! Besides, I have put aside a bunch of books I want to finish this semester break. I do not know if I can finish them, but I can try. At least. Tsk. I wanna learn how to do brush lettering too, that would require a lot of practises ehe.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Other than that, I hope all of you are doing good. </div><div style="text-align: justify;">See you in the next entry :)</div>faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-60841484324813969392020-05-05T19:14:00.004+08:002020-05-05T19:15:08.785+08:00[review] Quartet | Saidatul Saffaa<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="950" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1Nltym9E5hI/XrFGVR-0eGI/AAAAAAAAMpM/_DEfHf01jzczQHXbAuMsmCgnulrNkjgMACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/Quartet%252BReview.png" /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
Assalammualaikum</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b>Quartet oleh Saidatul Saffaa </b>sebenarnya novel yang membuatkan aku menimbang sama ada <i>should I or should I not read it</i> sebab dari sinopsis yang aku baca – pendek kata, ada yang aku tak berkenan dari sekilas perenggan sinopsis itu. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Tapi bila dah berkali-kali novel ni naik depan mata aku, <i>I decide then – why not?</i> Jadi aku baca sampai <i>first part</i>,<i> which I found quite interesting frankly </i>sebab aku rasa dia ada kaitan jugak dengan perspektif biasa kita sebagai perempuan. Lol. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Atau aku…heh.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Lepastu aku gatal tangan baca <i>last chapter and I was like…shoot! <b>I hate this!</b></i><b> </b>Aku taksuka stail cerita <i>end</i> macam ni. Jadi aku <i>stop</i> dan letak novel ni ke tepi. Sebab aku takboleh brain <b>kenapa</b>? <i>But I end up, picking it back after a day or two, and continue reading it </i>sampai ke halaman terakhir sebab aku <i>curious</i>.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>It is beautiful, somehow?</i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Kalau baca review dekat Goodreads pun sebenarnya banyak review yang bercampur, antara yang suka sangat dan tak suka. Lagipun, aku rasa ramai yang kecewa sebab letakkan penulis sama stail-nya dengan salah seorang penulis dari penerbitan yang sama just because she wrote about islamic-hijrah too. Aku rasa sangat <b><i>harsh</i></b> untuk cakap cerita ini hanya berkisar tentang Misa, watak utama, yang sibuk untuk mencari peneman hidup. Novel ni macam coming-of-age pun ada, progress buku dari halaman pertama hingga ke hujung buat pembaca sama-sama ‘membesar’ dengan Misa.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Sama-sama berbunga hati dengan Misa.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Sama-sama struggle dengan struggle Misa.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Sama-sama terkesan dengan apa yang Misa lalu.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Sama-sama jugak kita tengok dia bangun bila <i>the same thing keep toppling her. People would think she is stupid for doing so</i>, tapi kan – <b>aren’t we all like that?</b> Ada satu masa aku rasa karakter Misa tu sebenarnya macam satu <b>sarcasm</b> yang kita taknak terima sebab macam tak logik je tindakan dia tu.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Tapi, entahlah – <i>it screams. Loud but I heard it in mumble because</i> aku dengar dengan takpakai spect mata.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Lol.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="720" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-A937vInrgg4/XrFJNO48kMI/AAAAAAAAMpY/LzypGtBPpIkJ6hU7mtfQnahpdcshIhy1QCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/Screenshot_20200421_083756.png" width="360" /> <img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="720" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-I57v48G2gd0/XrFJNc5_ImI/AAAAAAAAMpc/rSzTAsoZST4SbXVWVphdPWI8dxKwSjuvQCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/Screenshot_20200421_083805.png" style="text-align: center;" width="360" /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Ada sesuatu dalam novel ni yang buat <i>it lingers in mind</i>. Aku taktau... sebenarnya, aku taknak describe. Selain itu, among things yang aku boleh pick up dari novel ni:</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
1. Kadar kelajuan perubahan seseorang itu taksama, you can’t expect people to have the same success rate just because you have it that way.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
2. The fact that there are people around you, who cares for you, despite you not seeing them – is just a huge blessing in disguise.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-35621657981892705772020-04-28T21:30:00.000+08:002020-04-28T21:30:01.484+08:00075: cold coffee - the good, bad and road not taken<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5BrDjk0jmEA/XqfV-0f-FII/AAAAAAAAMoQ/aGfZQEBdyPE4snuBfbNnnqx5Rqtt5M8dgCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/mario-ibrahimi-2RrAct0Rf8E-unsplash.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@shqip91?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Mario Ibrahimi</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/coffee?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><i><span style="font-family: inherit;">Cold Coffee</span></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Some people like their coffee ice-cold. with lots of ice that soon melt but remained it cooling sensation. Some prefer it to be hot - seeping hot, only to buzz the tongue and awaken our mind from short slumber. I <i>personally </i>don't mind either - but it perks me whenever I, <i>myself</i>, left my hot coffee unattended and it turns cold. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
There is something about it being left cold that I did not like but I drink it regardless.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Because it is mine. I am guilty of leaving it turns cold, there is just a nudge in me that say that I should not let it go to <i>waste </i>too. Plus, it is something that I personally make for me. Ironically, it is also me who left it, turning it into something that I found unpleasant but acceptable (could be by force at times) to my own throat.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><i>The good, the bad</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Life is a series of choice, no surprise. We open our eyes in the early morning (or noon.........or late afternoon lol), we soon confronted with choices - another 5 more minutes or just wake up and start our morning routine. Should we have coffee or tea (or milo)? Should we put one or two teaspoon of sugar? Should we wash our face before taking breakfast or not?</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Again, choices. It extends from micro-things like these to extravagant things that could effect our life.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>Should we live today, or should we just ... end things up?</i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Because everything is just a messed up choices - we never make a right one and we end up suffering. Life is a ball of tangled strings that we know not how to unravel it - or we chose not to do. Because it is easier to remain <i>(or pretend)</i> to be numb than picking every single pieces of our limbs, shattered parts, tangling mess that do not recognize it truer shapes.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Hey, no one ask you to make it into its original shape!?<br />
So what if it shattered, entwine to unrecognizable state - I mean, <b>so what</b>?<br />
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1067" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gkXQEC5-RJs/XqfY5R3YCtI/AAAAAAAAMoc/tMoLHLCFlCEY_vg-O1bBEI3uYbxAymhaQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/kael-bloom-21MaU3f-j9s-unsplash.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@kaelbloom?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Kael Bloom</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/urban-sketching?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><i>The Road Not Taken</i></b></div>
<div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Good choices - most probably bring us closer to happiness.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Bad choices - No one said its going to be a doom for us. It will most probably bring us closer to happiness <i>too</i>, but using different roads. Probably with a lot of hills, mountains, we might stumbled upon lion that tries to scare the hell out of us too. But no one said it is going to be a doom end for us.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;"><b><i>I shall be telling this with a sigh<br />Somewhere ages and ages hence:<br />Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—<br />I took the one less traveled by,<br />And that has made all the difference.</i></b></span><br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i>The Road Not Taken (1916) by Robert Frost</i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
And here I am, sipping my hot-turned-cold Oldtown's Hazelnut coffee - hating it but kinda like that stronger bitter taste it left than when it is hot.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><br /></i></div>
</div>
</div>
faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-310186392993293310.post-5063442422239081052020-04-18T13:53:00.000+08:002020-05-06T00:46:26.160+08:00[review] Baju Melayu Hijau Serindit | Syud<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="890" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iqeFXLNXJFE/XpqIPWBIR4I/AAAAAAAAMmY/FzQxnh4kVZkHRjo_cEl9hGMeZE_yqoyJwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/BMHS.png" /></div>
Assalammualaikum.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Jadinya, sejak mula PKP aku jumpa banyak benda yang aku boleh kembali tuai minatnya. Antaranya adalah baca novel melayu. I stumbled upon PNM e-reader an initiative by <b>Perpustakaan Negara Malaysia</b> where we can borrowed books virtually and read them via their application, legally for free.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Dan benda pertama yang aku cari daripada website dorang (<a href="https://pnm.elib.com.my/">https://pnm.elib.com.my/</a>) adalah novel-novel keluaran Jemari Seni (sebab aku rindu T_T) Dan aku sangat happy bila tengok collection dorang yang okaylah... around 51 buah dari JS kot - tapi takde HLOVATE #disclaimer.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;"><b><i>Why do I enjoy this book? </i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b style="font-weight: bold;"><i>Baju Melayu Hijau Serindit</i></b><b>, </b>aku tahu waktu browse website Jemari Seni dulu. Tapi, aku takrasa nakbeli waktu tu sebab bagi aku tajuk dia pelik dan sinopsis dia buat aku terus label 'cliche'. Only because dia centralize pasal 'jadi calon suami saya olok-olok' kind of story yang aku dah muak baca.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
But, there are so much in this novel yang buat aku rasa sedikit bersalah lepas tu. Lol.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: #b6d7a8;">1) Gaya Penulisan</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Aku mula kenal Syud dari <b>Vignette </b>(her latest novel published in 2016) - I fall in love hard dengan cara penulisan dia. Sempoi tapi teratur, ada pembayang disebalik straight-forwardnya. In a way, gaya penulisan dia lebih kurang dengan HLOVATE tapi lebih <i>relax</i>. Aku tak kenal sangat Syud sebab aku hanya baca buku HLOVATE je dari Jemari Seni. Lol, sekarang aku sedikit menyesal sebab tak kenal dia dari awal. At least aku boleh collect semua buku dia yang maha <u>susah </u>nakcari sekarang :')</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="719" height="356" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-dvAKyd4_cnU/XpqO41X3IdI/AAAAAAAAMmw/ez4i4ixZrq8vu3elFI2KwXSFS9Bij7U4QCLcBGAsYHQ/s400/Screenshot_20200407_131214.png" width="400" /></div>
<br />
<span style="background-color: #b6d7a8;">2) Setting</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
This novel took place mostly dekat tempat yang aku selalu spend time release stress mcm LT Gombak-Putra Height, KLCC dan Setapak. Disebabkan aku dahlama dekat KL dan tempat tempat yang dia mentioned kebetulan adalah tempat yang aku selalu luang masa dekat sana, it makes me feel connected somehow? Sebab aku boleh bayang macam mana those scene took place dekat situ.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
Macam bila dia mentioned Butik Arzu dekat Mid-Valley, walaupun aku takpernah masuk dalam butik tuv - aku boleh bayang.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: #b6d7a8;">3) Karakter</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
Aku sebenarnya baru tahu bila baca novel ni; rupanya novel Syud semua karakternya mesti ada kaitan dengan novel-novel yang lain. Dalam novel ni, Pacai (atau Firas) adalah kawan baik kepada Adil (from Untuk Awak Teja Aulia). Wardah pulak ada kaitan dengan Teja (Untuk Awak Teja Aulia) dan Ilham (dari Vignette).</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
Pacai bagi aku agak lain dari watak lelaki dalam novel-novel Syud yang aku dah baca, sebab dia lebih 'tak terkawal' dari segi emosi hahaha. Lebih expressive. Lebih beremosi dan jenis yang buat dulu sesuatu pastu baru dia tanggung side-effect. <i>Lol</i>. In a way, dia sangat straight-forward which makes me favors him a lot too.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="720" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jYXYkmRt-Ow/XpqNQ_T5UOI/AAAAAAAAMmk/KerRR0fuIFQlus3QgWOk4SQ0C2OkUg6AQCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/Screenshot_20200407_094515.png" width="360" /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<b><i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;">What I have learnt from this novel?</span></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>1) Gaya pemikiran lelaki dan perempuan yang sebenarnya (takperlu diberitahu pun lol) sangat berbeza. </i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
From the whole novel, aku macam betul lah perempuan ni kekadang overthinking dia lain macam sikit - tapi kita buat benda tu out of cares, bukan saja-saja. Kalau lagi sayang, lagi teruk overthinking-nya. Ehe. I still find it funny how Wardah punyalah fikir bukan-bukan bila dia terserempak dengan Pacai yang muka habis heartbroken tapi turns out dia cuma is '<i>having a bad day</i>' (nak tahu kena baca). Lol.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<i>2) Komunikasi tu penting.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Apa-apa masalah atau benda yang kita taktau pucuk pangkal dia, kita kena tanya. Letak belakang kebarangkalian 'macam mana kalau dia tipu?' sebab ini hubungan dengan manusia. Hubungan antara manusia dengan manusia tak boleh operates dengan jayanya hanya dengan 'andaian'. Dengan sesiapa pun.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;"><b><i>Who am I suggesting this for?</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
... yang suka bahan bacaan santai dan funny in contemporary way? Ehe.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
... yang suka sedas dua tembakan emosi.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
... yang suka HLOVATE.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div>
Aku personally bagi Baju Melayu Hijau Serindit 4.5 bintang kot? Kalau tengok dekat Goodreads pun, rating novel Syud semua 4 ke atas. </div>
</div>
faten.bananahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11530858001872777390noreply@blogger.com13